Page 59 of Choosing My Happiness
I nodded, then leaned back in his arms so I could look at his face when I talked. I missed watching him.
I took a deep breath and launched into the story. “Nineteen years ago, Dad changed for a while. He was home for dinner every night. He would ask Mom for permission to go to the clubhouse before going, if he even went at all. He’d take us places, and we went on special trips every weekend. I loved it. Those were amazing days. It was like I had a real dad. If I had spoken today, I would have been telling everyone memories about those days. But I don’t remember Mom being happy during that time. She was angry. Then suddenly, one day, she eased off and relaxed, and we went back to normal. To Dad disappearing after work, then bringing home apology jewelry.” I paused, realizing something. “Mom stopped crying over the jewelry after that. Instead, she’d happily wear it straight away.”
“Apology jewelry?” Jim asked, looking confused.
“Yeah, the jewelry that you give your ol’lady when you step out on her,” I explained.
He looked horrified.
I searched his face. “You’ve never heard of it?” I asked.
“Not in those terms. My mother called them suck-it-up diamonds. But then she treated hers like war medals; this is for that time he did this or that while high as a kite,” he said, stepping back. “Let’s go for a walk.”
“I don’t think I’m walking far in these shoes,” I told him, indicating my heels. He turned his back to me and squatted a little.
His smile appeared over his shoulder as he said one word, “Jump.”
I jumped, and he bounced me up to a comfortable spot on his back. This wasn’t that much different to the bike, except that his hands were under my butt, and we walked.
“So, what did your mom do with the suck-it-up diamonds? Did she wear them, or stick them in a drawer, never to betouched again, as a reminder of him stepping out?” I asked Jim. I heard water trickling nearby.
He sighed and shook his head. “My dad didn’t cheat,” he explained. “He didn’t step out on Mom. He did worse. He got involved in drugs, methamphetamine mainly. Every bender, he’d bring back something for her. It started off as, ‘I’m sorry for being stressed and strung out, please forgive me - it’s the deployment, or the memories, or the stress.’ Then he got her hooked, and the drugs became something they did together, while I looked after my siblings. One deployment, she moved on to other stuff, and the jewelry started funding it. Then—” I felt him stiffen. “One day, she took my brother and sister to school while high. They crashed and burned in a single-car accident while I was at football training. I lost both of my siblings, and she got out, too high to rescue them,” he growled, before shaking it off, literally. I felt the shudder through my body, and the releasing sigh.
“The diamonds are all gone. Dad’s likely still chasing more deployment, and probably will until he dies in a gunfight in some remote part of the world. Mom’s in jail, and I’m here with you beside some unknown creek. I don’t speak to either of them by choice. I’m right where I want to be, living the life I have, and chasing my own dreams,” He explained as he loosened his hands.
I slid off his back and sank into the dirt. He caught me with one hand.
“I suppose it’s safe enough to take these off.” I laughed, pinned to the ground with my heels.
I reached down and unlatched the strap on one side, then the other, then paused.
“Um, I need to get my pantyhose off,” I mentioned. I didn’t usually wear stockings, so these were the only options I had.
His breath seemed to catch, and then he drew in a deep breath, expanding that chest of his. My breath quickened. He was looking at me in a way that was making me feel giddy again.
“Do you need help?” he hummed. My breath caught.
“Yes, please,” I whispered, sliding my hand up his arm. He shifted to face me and slowly scrunched up my skirt so he could reach the waistband. His eyes never left my face.
He gently separated the pantyhose from my underwear by feel, and tugged it down. He knelt down when he reached mid-thigh and continued pulling, keeping eye contact with me the whole time. I was having trouble remembering how to breathe. There was heat pounding in areas that shouldn’t be throbbing in public. I lifted one foot, then the other as he freed my toes, his fingers dragging over the soles of my feet before placing them on the soft grass.
“One day,” he promised, “I’m going to finish this properly. I’m going to kiss and worship every inch of skin that you let me touch. One day.” His breath wafted his promise across my legs. I swallowed. Goosebumps shivered across my skin as he looked up at me.
He slowly stood up, tucking the scraps of material into a pocket.
“Now, what were we talking about?” he asked.
I blinked at him. I could barely think over the rush of adrenaline and attraction pounding through me.
“I honestly have no idea,” I admitted.
He stepped closer to me and smoothed the hair behind my head. “Me neither,” he said, before drifting his lips across mine. I opened my mouth to the softest lips, and the sweetest taste in the world. His growl of satisfaction filled me up as he deepened the kiss. I moaned in response. The world retreated to our heartbeats and our mouths.
I broke it off this time. I couldn’t do it to him. I couldn’t tease Jim and myself like this, knowing that we weren’t free yet to do what we wanted.
“Blaze better give me that damn divorce soon. I want to be with you honestly, not creeping around,” I whispered, stepping back and breathing heavily.
Jim let me ease out of his arms.
