Page 41 of Choosing My Happiness
“Blaze’s relationship with you is not dependent on me, Mom. I accept that you and Dad, and Blaze had a relationship, and my being away has probably strengthened it. But I can’t love him anymore. Not after what he did.”
“Oh honey. He’s given you a child. I know Dylan was from another woman, but he’s still fine with it. You can accept him and be happy. It’s not that hard to do.”
I let those words sink in. Mom wasn’t going to support me. She was Team Blaze.
I let out a disappointed breath and changed the subject.
“I thought you might need some help with organizing the funeral. Have you contacted any funeral homes?” I asked.
Mom’s eyes filled with tears, and she shook her head.
“I can’t believe he’s gone,” she whimpered. “What am I going to do without him?”
“It’s okay. I’ll look around today and get something worked out. Did Dad want anything special?”
“Cremation. He wanted to burn,” Mom said shakily.
I nodded. “Yeah.” I drew in a deep breath. “That sounds like Dad. I’ll go and make some calls, and visit some places. Did Dad have a lawyer or someone he used to do a will?”
Mum shrugged. “Whoever the club uses. I didn’t take much notice.”
I nodded. I could knock over two birds with one stone if that was the case. My divorce lawyer was at the same firm, and my appointment was today. I’d emailed Darcy the information he said he wanted, so today was to go over and formalize the separation of assets.
“Okay, I’ll pay them a visit and see if there’s anything. Do you have Dad’s death certificate? It’ll help me get some things done,” I continued with the questions. To be honest, it sounded like Mom was clueless.
Mom looked startled, then shook her head. “I’ll never get used to the thought of you working at the hospital and knowing all this stuff. I don’t really like it. I hope this nonsense between you and Blaze is sorted out soon, so you can stop.” She stood up and walked out of the room.
Dylan rushed in as soon as she left, with a daisy flower in his hand.
“Oh, did Nanny leave?”
“Just to get me something. Who is the flower for?” I crouched down beside him.
“Is for Daisy,” he proudly told me, then clarified, “D2!”
“Oh, that’s a good idea, although, won’t she need two?” I emphasized the 2 with my fingers.
“Yeah!” he gasped, getting excited.
I started to laugh as he turned to rush off, and then he turned back. “Yuh know, Dad doesn’t like D2, because she’s black…but I think she’s awesome!”
I did a combined grimace-grin.
“I think she’s awesome too,” I reassured him. A smile lit up his face. How could Blaze ever give him up?
“Are you going to be my Mommy?” he asked.
My heart flipped over. “No honey, you already have one, even if she’s not here.”
“Oh.” He looked crestfallen. “But Nanny says you will be.”
I crouched down, trying to think quickly about how to explain this in three-year-old terms.
“Nanny would like me to be, so she can see more of you. But I think she can see as much of you as you want, even if I’m not your Mommy. Besides, I’m not around enough to be your Mommy. I live far away from here.”
He pursed his lips and tilted his head up thoughtfully.
“So it doesn’t really matter if you’re my Mommy or not?”
