Page 36 of Choosing My Happiness
Darcy nodded. “I think I’ve heard of them. Why Blaze?”
I shrugged. “He’s a firefighter.”
Darcy raised his eyebrow in surprise.
“He’s also a cheater,” I explained to the unasked question.
“I know. Here’s your appointment card with my direct line. I’ll see you then.”
On the fourth day, my dad died.
23
Chapter 23: Daisy
Jim called the hospital in the early hours of the morning to let me know about Dad’s death. His kind, deep rumble delivered the news evenly and succinctly. Dad had died that night. I closed my eyes and thanked him for telling me. He paused before telling me I was welcome and ending the call. It felt professional and detached, as if he knew I needed the indifference to distance my emotions.
Logically, I expected the call. I knew it was coming. Dad was palliative, and I had seen the toll that our day out had taken on him physically, even though it was a great move mentally. It was still a shock to hear the news. My father was dead. The man who had been such a vital force in my life was gone. I stood holding the phone to my ear for a while after Jim hung up, just listening to the beeps, trying to process it. The supervising nurse manager came over, and I pulled myself together, pushed the pain down,and got back to work. There were alive people on the ward who needed my help. Look after the living first.
I got back to my apartment after work and looked around before I was able to drop the zombie mode I’d entered. This was my safe space. I had three days free before my day shifts started. I was torn. I knew I was expected to go down and see Mom. But I really wanted to just hide away here at home and wallow in my misery. My daddied, and I had deliberately chosen not to be there.
I knew I’d said my goodbyes. I knew I would have made things worse if I’d stayed and had to deal with more ‘forgive Blaze’ comments. But I still felt like a horrible daughter. Guilt rose within me like a black shadow creeping around me in a horror movie. I needed a distraction. I needed a friend.
I called Janie. She didn’t pick up. I looked at the messages left on my phone. Jim, Bull, and Janie had all tried to call at some stage or another. But that was all earlier, around the time Jim had called the hospital, Now, it was breakfast and school drop-off time. I sat down, feeling lost and alone. I really needed someone around and I didn’t know who was safe to call other than Janie.
My phone rang again. The name that flashed across the screen was Jim’s. His timing was perfect. Relief ran through me, so I pressed the answer button and put it to my ear.
“Hey Daiz. I’m just checking in on you.” His voice caused a crack in the walls that I’d built. A tear escaped from my eye as I struggled to speak. My throat was filled with something that made it hard to talk.
“Are you okay?” I heard him ask. I made a sound that was half sob and half groan. It was all I could produce around the lump that was choking me. I don’t know what I meant by it. I was just reacting.
“Do you want me to come and get you?” His voice sounded as though he was talking to a scared animal. Did I? I didn’t want to bealone. I just needed someone here, and I still felt the imprint of his arms from BJ’s birth. The memory alone had me nodding.
I hissed yes through the tears that were now flowing.
“Ok Darlin’, does anyone have your address?” his voice purred.
“No,” I whined.
“Can you text me your address? I’ll come straight away.” I heard him moving, and the sound of the truck door closing. I sobbed again.
“Oh Daiz, I really don’t want to hang up on you, but I’ve got to make some calls…I’ll call you back when I’m on the road. Send me your address, sweetheart. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“Okay.” I dropped the phone to my lap and watched the call end. My hands were shaking as I sent my address to him. He called back 5 minutes later, telling me he was on his way…and that he wouldn’t hang up until he was certain I was okay. I fell asleep on the couch to the rumble of his truck and his voice, as he talked about the minor gossip in the club, staying away from any heavy topics like Mom, Dad, and Blaze.
A buzz at the gate to the complex woke me up. Jim was waiting there, filling the security screen.
“Hey Jim,” I croaked out, pressing the button to let him in. He didn’t take long to come to my door and immediately cover me in a one-armed bear hug, a big hand pressing my body into his chest. His other hand held a take-out bag. I hid my face in his chest and slid my arms around him. I was safe. I could do this. We were in our own world here, and I could take the comfort from him. I felt him rest his head on mine and take a deep breath.
“It’s okay, you’re not alone anymore,” he told me, rubbing my back gently but firmly.
We stood there in the doorway for a few breaths, and then he shifted me inside.
“I brought food. I didn’t think you’d be up for cooking, but you need to eat,” he said, closing the door with his foot and moving to the kitchen, slowly dragging his fingers across my shoulders as we let go.
He put the packets on the counter and looked back at me.
“Oh Daisy,” was all he said before I felt myself pressed against his chest. I wrapped my arms around him again, and let my tears fall as he cradled me and leaned against the counter. His head rested on top of mine, enveloping me, hiding me away from the world.
