Page 19 of Embers in Our Souls
“Eek, why?” she says, pulling out a sparkling water for me.
I can hear Noah and Julian in the backyard with Vivienne.
“Oh, you know. Just the normal lunch, with a side of confession garnished with a girlfriend telling her boyfriend she’s married.”
“What? No! Why, Indy?” Kalli’s eyes go wide.
“Because, Kalli”—I throw my hands up by my sides—“it dawned on me as I sat there, letting him go on and on about Excel almost being called ‘Mr. Spreadsheet’ that I was mentally judging him on the boring conversation topic, when in reality, I’m the asshole because I’m dating him while I’m married. Who does that?!”
“Hold on—Excel was supposed to be called ‘Mr. Spreadsheet’? That’s a fucking weird name.” She scrunches her nose.
I snap my fingers. “Focus, Kalli!”
“Sorry, babe. I’m focusing. So, then what happened?”
“He kept going on and on about his spreadsheet debacle. Then I interrupted him, and I just blurted that I was married—because I really was feeling like a jerk in that moment,” I finally tell her.
“Well you are married, but you sort of aren’t. You haven’t seen each other in years. How did he react to it? Was he pissed?” Kalli asks.
“You’d think, right? He just sat there, with a blank expression,” I throw my hands in the air. “I gave him a moment to ask follow-up questions. He honestly said ‘okay’ at one point and I thought he’d be mad, but he wasn’t. I told him I understood if he wanted me to leave, but he said I didn’t have to. We finished our meal and said goodnight. He said he’ll call me later as if everything was normal.”
“What? He didn’t break up with you?!” Kalli looks as annoyed as I feel.
“No. I’m so confused. Nothing shakes the man. I think I’m more irritated by his non-reaction than he is that I didn’t tell him I’m married.”
I expected at least a raised eyebrow or something from Roger. Looking back, I think I would have had a stronger reaction from him if I told him Excel was dumb or that his job is boring than the dismissal I got at lunch today. Honestly, what the hell? He acted like I told him I bought a new pair of running shoes. He couldn’t give a flying fuck.
“So, you agree he should care, right?” I ask Kalli.
“I mean, you’ve been dating for a decent amount of time. I would expect some sort of reaction beyond an ‘okay’ from him,” she agrees.
“This whole thing is really weird. I left the lunch feeling way off. Actually, I amend that statement. I have felt off since Tyler looked into my eyes at Noah’s school.” I take a drink of my waterand look out the window to see my little man handing Vivienne the ball.
The way he plays with her is so sweet. I can’t help the automatic smile that spreads across my face.
“You should have seen the way he mimicked her at the zoo today. I had both of them making animal sounds. Well three if you count Julian by the end of the visit.” She chuckles.
“I wish I had been there. Next time I’ll have to join you. She’s gotten so big.” Time is definitely flying by. I still remember when Noah was Vivienne’s age and I was still trying to manage so much.
Noah’s deep-brown eyes spot me through the window and I wave.
“I should warn you, Noah’s been asking to go?—”
“Hi, Mom!” Noah comes barging in. “I want to go see the fire truck that saved me.”
“That’s what I was going to tell you,” Kalli whispers as she walks past me.
I look from Kalli to Noah. I move closer to him, sweeping his hair off his sweaty forehead, and try to distract him. “How was the zoo?”
“It was a lot of fun. The lion was so big!” He gestures with his arms to show me and I laugh.
“Wow! Did you make all the sounds with Vivienne?”
“Yes! And she tried to stand like a flamingo, but kept falling over.” He giggles.
“She’s so silly.” I laugh along with him. I look over at Kalli. “Thanks so much for taking him with you. I owe you one.”
“Of course. It was our pleasure. Thanks for helping me with Viv today, Noah.”
