Page 72 of Embers in Our Souls
“I was grieving. One of those letters I wrote the day Georgie died. It was right before we headed out on that patrol. I didn’t feel like that version of myself anymore. Then, when I wrote the second one, fear took over. What if I sent it and you didn’t take me back because of the lie I told? I feared the rejection. I ended up not wanting to.” I look down at my hands. Finally, I bring my head back up.
“I just couldn’t bring myself to send it. My therapist kept urging me to, but by then, I talked myself out of it, convincing myself you’ve finally moved on. We still spoke through video sessions as I kept moving throughout the states. I never imagined your life had imploded. And I thought that by sending it, it would have just made things worse, so I kept to myself.”
She sighs and looks away. I see her swipe at her cheek.
“Indy, talk to me,” I urge her.
She shakes her head, but it’s hard to stay rooted in place. She looks up at the night sky, probably in an attempt to keep from letting more tears fall.
“Tell me why you’re crying.” I finally reach over to touch her and move a strand of hair away from her forehead.
Her chin quivers, but she remains silent. I decide to push her further. “Indiana, we aren’t going to get anywhere if you don’t tell me what’s going on. Are you crying because of Roger?”
She shakes her head. “Roger and I broke up.”
Thank fuck.
“Are you scared of me?” Shit, did I read this wrong?
“Yes, but not like that. I’m scared you’ll leave me. You have to understand that I have a kid now. My brother trusted him with me. With us, actually.”
“I know, Indy. And what I did—” I halt at the realization of her words. “What do you meanus?”
Indy looks down at her hands and takes a deep breath. I can tell by the way she’s taking her time, that she’s choosing herwords wisely. I wait until she finally looks up at me, tears pooled in her eyes.
“That’s why I’ve waited so long to end things between us. When Bryce died, he knew about our marriage. Remember when I told you I confided in him about our letters and all those packages I’d send you? Well, I told him how my feelings for you had grown, too. Besides you, Bryce was my best friend. I guess he wanted to know that Noah would be cared for if something were to ever happen to him.” She looks up to the stars above us, the tears escaping as she closes her eyes.
When she opens her eyes again, she looks back at me, determination cast on her face. “Did you know that a will is just a wish a parent relays when it comes to custody? The true determination comes down to the judge. Bryce stated in his will that he wanted Noah left to both of us in the event of his passing.”
I can’t help the way my heart is pounding in my chest. I just keep looking at Indy, hanging on her every word.
“I realize now I never told you in our letters when Noah was born. And Bryce didn’t know we weren’t talking before he passed. That part I hadn’t told him yet. I was still processing everything that happened between us. When the judge granted me custody, I explained we were estranged and you were no longer a part of my life. My parents found out during this whole process about the marriage, so it’s no longer a secret in their eyes, but I’ve kept it to myself otherwise. Kalli only recently found out about us being married.”
I nod, processing everything she’s telling me. It’s all starting to make sense why she didn’t dissolve our marriage sooner. She wanted to honor her brother’s wishes, even though I had no idea he had a son nor that he had passed.
“I know this is a lot to process, but I’ve been carrying this big promise in my heart for him. And in many ways, I’ve just held apiece of you with me, even if you broke my heart all those years ago. I’ve always felt like I’ve walked this strange line between anger and love when it comes to you. Although, I can’t let my heart get in the way of Noah’s well-being. It’s not only about me this time, Tyler. He knows you already.
“You and I are complicated. Everything with us is so convoluted. It feels like so many lines are blurred and every time I think my feelings for you are put away, they creep back up.”
I can’t help the smile that stretches across my face, even though I’m processing so much right now with her confession. I’m not angry at her. I feel like I’ve been given a lifeline with her revelation. It sounds like I have Bryce to thank for this second chance with Indy.
“Don’t smile at me,” she says, annoyance in her tone. That only makes me smile wider.
“Indy, you can’t be mad that I’m happy to hear you say you have feelings for me,” I bite my bottom lip.
I pull her by the belt loops and tug her to me. Once she’s near me, I grab her hair-tie out, then move my fingers through her strands. I push her head back, exposing her neck to me. All I want to do is run my tongue along the column of her neck, but I restrain myself.
Her breathing picks up and a shift occurs between us.
“Tell me what you want, Indy. Put me out of my misery,” I beg.
“I want you to make my heart whole again,” she whispers, her eyes locking on mine. In that moment, it feels like she can look straight into my soul. It’s overpowering the way she can overtake me with just one look.
“But I also don’t want you to crush me the way you did years ago. No more lies. No more walking away. If you want me, you wantallof me. That includes Noah. We are a package deal, Ty.”
I bring both my hands to grasp her face in an act I hope she feels the sincerity in what I’m about to say. “Indiana, I was a fool before. I’m sorry I let fear overtake my emotions. I should have told you then that I was in love with you. You captured not only my heart back then.
“You held my soul in your hands and it has been yours ever since. I promise, if you give me this second chance at letting me love you, I will stand by your side and never leave it again. And of course it includes Noah. I never believed otherwise. Even before you told me about Bryce’s wishes, I’ve seen you and Noah as a package deal since we’ve reconnected. That little boy is an extension of you. And he’s now an extension of me.”
