Page 60 of Embers in Our Souls
“Guilty,” he says, sitting down next to me on the bench. “I take it things didn’t go so well with Indy?”
“You take it correctly. How did you know where to find me?” I never told him I’d be here.
“I stopped by your house and saw you weren’t there. I saw the truck in the driveway, but you didn’t answer the door. I put things together from there.” He looks out to the water. “Lucky guess you’d be here.”
Malloy and I work out frequently together at this park. I can see why he would look for me here out of all the other places.
“I fucked up the one good thing in my life,” I admit, finally allowing defeat to seep in.
“I doubt that,” he says and I feel his gaze shift to me.
“No, she made it clear this is it. I thought she’d hear me out and maybe give this a chance. Fuck, Malloy. How could Ihave been such a fool?” I remove my baseball cap and guide my fingers through my hair. My frustration is mounting the more I think about how royally I messed things up.
“Maybe she just needs to calm down a bit after she digests what you told her.” He sighs, scratching at his trimmed beard. He looks like he wants to say more, but holds back.
“What is it?”
“Something just doesn’t make sense to me. I mean, when I went through things with Baylee, you seemed to know I fucked up and you called me out,” he begins.
“Yeah, so?” It comes out with a bit more bite than I intend.
“Dude, calm down.” He puts his arms up in surrender.
“Well, whose side are you on?” I can’t help but ask.
“I’m on the side of love,” he says with a wide smile.
I roll my eyes and groan. “You and your romance books.”
“Don’t knock it till you try it, my man.” He winks.Little does he know. “Anyways, as I was saying. You said you got treatment once you left the Army, right?” I nod. “So, once you figured out what you were experiencing, I don’t really understand why you didn’t talk to her to clarify your reasoning.”
“I told you. I wanted her to?—”
“Yes, yes, you wanted her to live her life. But still, you seem to be stuck on that. But it doesn’t make sense. You wanted her to move on, yet you want her to forgive you. I think, in reality, you really were and technically, still are, scared. You carry fear of what she would say. And today you faced that fear, and what you feared the most happened. Unfortunately, she didn’t give you what you ultimately wanted, which was forgiveness and a second chance.”
I keep staring at him.
“You did something wrong. And I know the place you were coming from was one where you were pushing her away. It was fucked up, but I won’t pretend to understand how you werefeeling. I mean, you were experiencing something so out of the norm for anyone here to comprehend. You lost someone right in front of your eyes; in the most horrific way. The trauma of that alone is just too much. But you were all about writing her letters. I’m surprised after you got counseling you never even attempted to write her something.”
I look away suddenly, hoping he doesn’t catch the change in my disposition.
“What was that?” Fuck, why is he so damn perceptive?
“Nothing.” I try to play it off.
“No, don’t give me that. Did you write her, Hunter?” He shifts in his seat so he’s completely facing me now.
“It’s not a big deal because she’s done with me now. She doesn’t want to hear from me anymore. She’ll serve me divorce papers and we’ll go our separate ways for good.”
Just the thought of it makes my stomach turn. There was this belief in the back of my mind that Indy and I would always have this connection and now it’s gone.
“Hunter, you really are an idiot. What did you do? What letter do you have?” Malloy pushes.
“Letters actually,” I admit.
“Letters? Plural? What the hell, Hunter?!” Malloy exclaims. “And you didn’t lead with that when you went to see her today?” He drags his hands down his face.
“Why would I? She didn’t seem to care about what I had to say anyway.” I keep my gaze trained in front of me, irritated I even brought those fucking letters up. I’ve read them countless times already. I wondered if I should have brought them up during today’s encounter with her, but decided it wouldn’t have made any difference.
