Page 47 of Embers in Our Souls
I’m a fucking fool.I shouldn’t be trusted to make decisions. Next time, I should be monitored when texting Tyler. That’s it—I’ll have Kalli mediate my text conversations with him when I decide to make spur-of-the-moment decisions, because this one was plain stupid. Actually, she’d probably welcome the stupid choices in this case.
I stand up and rush over to my sink, dunking my hands in the sudsy water to wash the dishes I’ve been avoiding all afternoon. May as well tackle the chores with the nerves I now have coursing through my veins. Noah is at the neighbor’s house for the afternoon, so I can’t lose myself in his laughter and antics. Maybe after I tackle these dishes, I can fold laundry.
You’d think Tyler reached out to me and not the other way around. But I’m the one that initiated the encounter that’s happening tomorrow morning. And at my house, nonetheless. Nothing good will come out of him being in my environment again; Noah is already too attached to him.
I’m really finding it harder to be near him. His smell, his eyes roaming over my body, feels like pinpricks along my body. I feellike he’s undressing me with his gaze, much like he did years ago when he showed up at my apartment.
Fuck, now I feel like my body temperature is increasing with the memories of that weekend with Tyler years ago flooding my mind. The plate that I was washing slips out of my grasp; my thoughts are no longer on tomorrow morning, but on versions of the two of us when life seemed so innocent.
Why am I letting him derail my life like this? Forgetting the plate I dropped back into the sink, I pick up a pan that has the stubborn grease stains and start scrubbing.
I remember after he left me behind, I had rehearsed how I would act if I ever ran into him. My mind starts to pull the fictional scenario I had conjured in my brain. I’d run into Tyler walking down the street and my life would be completely in order. I would keep my head held high and he’d regret his selfish behavior and I’d throw divorce papers in his face and never look back.
Of course it’s ridiculous to believe it would happen in that way, my imagination running rampant, but working in the field I do, I read a lot of fucking romance books and that fictional world seemed to work in my favor. So yes, I loved the idea of that ridiculousness when I fantasized how things would fall into place for me when that fateful day occurred.
But now that isn’t actually how things are going. I feel like he holds this imaginary power over me. No cards in my favor, and it’s really frustrating. I don’t want to want him, although when he’s around, my hands feel like touching his cheek and caressing his chest. I want to run my tongue down every inch of his body and get lost in his touch.
I want to move my fingers through his hair, which is significantly longer than it once was. It’s not that standard buzz cut it had to be for his military requirements. Those tendrils aregolden and beautiful, with a volume I never expected to see as he aged.
I’m scrubbing over the same spot when my phone chimes and I squeak in surprise, the noise jolting me. Calm down, Indy!
I look over to see a text from Kalli:
Kalli
Did you finally text your hot hubby?
I shake my soapy hands and groan. Her constant rooting for him is turning obsessive.
Can you stop calling him that?
Kalli
Honestly? No. Have you seen his posts? The fact you’ve been with that perfect specimen is sort of enviable.
Check your left hand.
Kalli
Ok. Why?
Is there anything on it?
Kalli
Yeah. My wedding ring.
Oh, so you are still married?
Last time I checked, you’re the one who has a boyfriend and a husband, AT THE SAME TIME.
Shit, she’s got me there.
Shit. Roger. I need to break up with him.
Kalli
Did you forget you have a boyfriend?
