Page 45 of Embers in Our Souls
“I’m starving,” Malloy says, patting his belly.
River chimes in with, “You can borrow Lola for like an hour, but that’s it. She has separation anxiety from her daddy.”
Clay groans and rolls his eyes.
“You have something to say, brother?” River asks his twin.
“No, I just think you exaggerate.” He eyes River as he passes him to grab a plate. “You and I know she loves mom more than she loves you.”
“You best take that back.” River points in his brother’s direction.
I lean against the counter and watch it all unfold, knowing it will progress on its own.
“No, because I think anyone that sees Lola with mom knows the truth, including Ma,” Clay says, confidence oozing from his tone.
“You’re an ass. You’re just jealous because I’m the fun brother,” River throws back.
I feel my phone vibrate in my back pocket. The moment I pull it out, the bickering between the brothers is all but forgotten. A text from Indy is staring back at me.
Indy
Hey. You have some time to meet up and talk?
I’m looking down at my phone when Malloy sidles up next to me.
“You okay?” he asks me.
“Yeah,” I answer without looking up from my phone. “Indy just texted.”
“Yeah? Sound promising?” He twirls spaghetti on his fork and takes a bite.
“I guess it could go either way. I mean, she isn’t asking us to talk about the divorce right off the bat at least,” I say, moving my hand through my hair.
When I’ve gotten texts from Indy previously, she usually asked if we could meet up to talk about the divorce. I might be dissecting this simple request a bit, but she isn’t mentioning the divorce this time around. That has to be good, right?
“I’d take that as a good sign, man,” Malloy says between bites. “You should have seen how concerned she looked when she arrived at the hospital. That girl is not over whatever you two have together.”
“Over it or not, she has a boyfriend. Plus, we have a lot of stuff we need to talk about. Our past is a bit messy and we need to discuss that before we can move forward. I don’t know if she can forgive me for the lies I’ve told.” I look at my friend, irritation evident in my tone.
“We’ve all made mistakes in our past. She has to understand that. You were going through a hard time. Regarding the boyfriend, that’s a decision she has to make. But all you can do is say your piece. What I can say, Hunter, is you’ve been a standup guy since the moment I met you.”
I nod, grabbing a plate of food myself and sitting at the table, my thoughts drifting to a time in my life when I felt more lost than found, and all I wanted to do was be a drifter. I look around the room and see a group of guys I now consider family, but it wasn’t too long ago I thought I’d be on my own.
The thing is, since I started therapy, I’ve really tried to put my best foot forward. Malloy has gotten to see that side of me. But Indiana saw a rougher side of me when I left her behind. I gave her a piece of myself that was heartless because in that period of my life, I died alongside Georgie.
I’ll admit, I was being selfish, although I thought I was being selfless. I thought being alone was best for me. Losing Georgie put me in a downward spiral in my own life. I set off on a tailspin, thinking she was better off without me. It wasn’t until I saw the errors of my ways that I realized what I lost leaving her behind. But it was already too late.
Six months after Georgie passed away, my contract was up for renewal with the Army. That’s when I decided not tocontinue serving, and I returned to the States for good. My time in the Army was behind me.
I thought coming back to civilian life would be refreshing, possibility bringing clarity, knocking some sense into me after what I did to Indiana. But all it did was cast a shadow of depression over me, further darkness taking over my thoughts. I knew I needed to seek help.
Many of the guys I was stationed with stayed in the Army, so I was on my own when I returned. I wandered on my own for some time. The only people I spoke to here were Jerry and Scarlet. I’d call and check in with them, and they’d beg for me to stay with them. But I could tell I wasn’t well, so I’d continue my travels along the various states, hoping my mood would improve.
It wasn’t until I sought help with a therapist that things finally improved. Rodney, my therapist in New Mexico, is the true hero of my story. Aside from Boston, I stayed there the longest, making sure I took the time to heal mentally. He made sure I cared for myself, realizing I suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder after Georgie’s death. Witnessing such a horrific death, on top of so many other atrocities, took a toll on me and I hadn’t come to terms with it.
If it hadn’t been for Rodney’s expertise, I don’t know where I’d be today. He encouraged me to look at my days as positive instead of negative. I was living with survivor’s guilt; something I hadn’t quite come to terms with until my work with Rodney began. Georgie was standing on a part of the rig I had been at just minutes before. And for a better part of a year, I had blamed myself that I hadn’t taken the bullet that took his life.
If Malloy knew the version of me that Indiana knew growing up, he might see me in a different light. He sees me as carefree and lighthearted. But Indiana sees two sides now. Where I was once brooding and mysterious, I’m now optimistic. I’m reallytrying to live like each day is a gift, because Georgie doesn’t get to do that for himself. I know the guys at the station keep saying I keep things close to the chest—and when it comes to my past that hasn’t changed, but I won’t let opportunities pass me by anymore when it comes to my future.
