Page 65 of Your Second Chance
The weight of her words pressed into me, heavy and impossible to ignore. I nodded against her shoulder. “I won’t.”
The door shut behind them, and the house fell into a hushed stillness, the fire’s glow flickering over the walls. I turned back to Nova, who stood near the sofa, fiddling with the hem of her sweater dress, her green eyes darting up to meet mine.
She looked unsure. Fragile in a way I wasn’t used to seeing. Yet, she was still here, stillher. I didn’t know how to say everything building in my chest, didn’t know where to start, but I needed her tofeelit. Needed her to know I was still right here.
I didn’t think. I couldn’t. My feet carried me across the room, and my lips crashed into hers.
For a moment, she hesitated, her hands hovering near my chest, uncertain. But then her mouth softened, and she kissed me back, tentative at first and then with a hunger that matched my own. Her fingers found their way into my hair, her body pressing against mine as everything we hadn’t said poured into the kiss.
“Wait.” She pulled away breathlessly. “We need to talk.”
I groaned and ran a hand through my hair. Talking was the right thing to do.
I gestured to the sofa, watching as she sat down and shifted slightly, her bump making her movements more deliberate. I grabbed an extra pillow, tucking it behind her for support, and she gave me a small nod of thanks.
“We should.” I sat across from her, leaning forward with my elbows on my knees. My heart was pounding, but I tried to keep my face calm.
I gestured to her.
She didn’t say anything right away, resting her hands on her belly, fingers tracing small circles. It was like she was trying to gather the words from thin air, shaping them into something manageable. I stayed quiet, giving her the space she needed, even as the anticipation clawed at my chest.
“I’m so sorry, Ollie. I didn’t mean to throw that at you after we had a really great day. You planned so much for me, and then I kind of ruined it all by throwing that heavy thing at you.”
“That’s what we do, Nova. We’ve always been heavy.”
“Yeah, I know.” Her voice was quiet, her fingers fidgeting with the hem of her dress. “I thought... maybe if you saw it for yourself, it’d be easier than trying to explain everything. I didn’t want to mess it up or leave something out, but that was the wrong way to go about it. Throwing the videos and articles at you without any context, it made me look terrible, and I should’ve just told you the truth from the start.”
A small, self-deprecating chuckle escaped me as I leaned back. “I went to see Will yesterday. Got totally pissed, but realized that running wasn’t the answer. Even if things are complicated. It’s not that I’m scared of complicated, I’m scared of screwing this up. Of not being enough for you. Of letting you down when it matters.”
Her lower lip trembled as she looked at me, her green eyes glassy. “I’m terrified that’s all I’ll ever get in my life. That it’s all I’m capable of.”
“Was it always like that?” My hands shook slightly as I spoke. “Was he always high, and you two... did that?”
Before she could answer, I held up a hand, shaking my head. “No, that came out judgmental. See? I’m not good at this.” Ihuffed out a frustrated breath, running a hand down my face. “Let me try again.”
I reached for her hands, folding them into mine as I steadied myself. “I don’t care if that’s what you’re into sexually—having sex in public, exploring, all of that. I don’t want to shame you. But I need you to know... I can’t be with someone who’s into drugs. I can’t do that, Nova.”
Her hands tightened in mine, and she took a shaky breath, her eyes glossy. “I didn’t do drugs, Ollie. I swear I didn’t. It wasn’t like that. Except—” She faltered. “Except that one time, when my mom was sick. He... he gave me an escape. Not the drugs—him. His presence, the way he’d make everything else disappear for a little while. I loved him. I did.”
She swallowed hard. “It was so much. Too much. It felt like I was taking care of him as much as I was trying to take care of everything else. Always worried—about my crappy job, about my dying mom, about whether or not he was sober. It was this constant weight, this suffocating pressure that never let up.”
Her fingers fidgeted with mine, twisting slightly as if trying to find something to anchor herself. “I cracked under it. We both did. He cracked in his way, and I cracked in mine. Neither of us could hold it together, and it... fell apart. We were just two hurt people trying to find healing in each other, but all we really did was pass the pain back and forth.”
Her voice dropped. “I’ve never been able to say that out loud before. Not really. But it was too much for me. All of it. And I hated myself for it, for not being able to handle it. For wanting out when he needed me most. I couldn’t do it anymore, Ollie.”
Her grip on my hands tightened, her voice trembling as she continued. “I’m so embarrassed, Ollie. I was the one who asked him to marry me. I looked at my mom, and her dying wish was to see me happy, to see me married, so I... I did it. I asked him.He said yes because he was impulsive as hell, and suddenly, we were married. For my mom.”
Her words spilled out in a rush, her gaze dropping to her lap as tears continued to well in her green eyes. “It was embarrassing, the whole thing. Especially that night. The one where everyone saw us in public. I barely talked about it after. I brushed it under the rug, told myself it was his addiction, just a bad night.”
Her voice cracked, and she shook her head as if trying to hold herself together. “Losing my virginity in a dirty bathroom with cocaine on my ass—” Her breath hitched. “It was so humiliating. The amount of shame I carry with me every day because of that... It’s like a weight I can’t let go of. I was—I was...”
“You were taken advantage of. Your emotional state,” I said, finishing for her.
She nodded, her lip trembling as the tears finally slipped down her cheeks.
“I’m not that person,” she whispered.
I reached out, cupping her cheek and wiping away a tear with my thumb. “I know you’re not.”
