Page 115 of Cadence
Chapter Fifty
Maddox
I’veneverwantedtocome here.
I’ve driven past this cemetery a dozen times over the years, telling myself I’d stop, that I’d face it one day. But I always kept going.
Cowardice disguised as self-preservation.
Even now, standing in front of the headstone, I feel like I’m trespassing. I don’t deserve to grieve her, the what-ifs and all the ways I could have stopped this from happening, claim my right to mourn.
The stone is clean, the marble shining brightly in the mid-morning sun. Someone’s been here recently; the fresh lilies resting at the base say as much. Probably her mom or dad. Maybe Paige.
Six copper pennies sit on top, each one in various states of discoloration, some dulled with age more than others. But each one a sucker punch, the stupid rhyme echoing in my head.
Find a penny…
Jesus.
I crouch onto my haunches, my hands jammed into the pockets of my hoodie like pulling them out might make me shatter. But I do it anyway, needing to run my fingers over the etched letters on the front, just to remind myself that…this is real. That I did this.
I stare at her name for a long time, my eyes burning from the lack of blinking.
Penelope Hope Deveraux
22 years old
Daughter, sister, friend.
Our Brightest Light
“I always liked your full name,” I murmur, the corner of my lip twitching. “I always thought it didn’t quite fit the girl people expected you to be. Not the one who left crumbs and orange Cheeto prints all over the mixing board and who’d swear like a sailor.”
A warm breeze rustles through the trees, carrying the sound of birds singing in the wind. I press my palm flat against her headstone, the stone cool against my palm, and bow my head, biting hard against the prickling in my eyes.
“I didn’t come for forgiveness.” My voice cracks, the words sticking in my throat, thick and bitter. “I know I don’t get that. I came because…”
I trail off. Truth is, I don’t know why I came. I just knew that the second we got back to LA, I had to.
“I should’ve said something that night. Stopped you. Told you that even though it didn’t mean anything, nothing had to change between us.” I release a heavy breath, struggling to say thethings that are long overdue. “I should’ve hugged you, laughed it off with you.”
I glance up at the stone, picturing her face.
“But I didn’t. I let you walk out thinking you’d ruined everything. And the next morning, you were gone.”
My knees give out, and I sink into the grass. My hands shake as I keep speaking to her.
“She reminds me of you sometimes. She fiddles with her necklace the same way you did. Has your laugh. But she’s fierce. Stubborn. She’s got this soul that makes me feel…” I huff, dragging a hand through my hair. “I don’t know. Like I’m connected to something bigger when I’m around her. And I ruined that.”
A car door slamming in the distance is my only response.
“I should’ve told her. From the start, I should have said that I knew you.” A bitter huff pushes past my lips. “Hell, even the guys kept telling me that I needed to, but I didn’t listen. I thought if I kept it to myself no one would get hurt.”
My gaze slides over the engraved stone once more. “I loved you, Penny. Just…not how you wanted. But I did. And I should’ve said it while I still had the chance.”
I lean my head against the cold marble.
“I’ve fucked things up with Paige from day one. But I don’t want to keep doing it. I love her. So damn much it’s terrifying,” I whisper, eyes shut tight. “I don’t know how to fix this.”
