Page 111 of Cadence
His throat works hard, the fight leaving his body as the admission leaves his lips regretfully.
“I’m the reason your sister’s dead.”
Chapter Forty-Eight
Maddox
Ifcatatonicwereaperson, it would be Paige. It’s like her body’s here, but her mind is somewhere else entirely, locked behind a door I don’t know how to open.
Two years is a long time to carry this much guilt. I told myself I shouldn’t touch her because of the band, the very real possibility that we were on the cusp of getting everything. But the truth? Those were just safer excuses to hide behind. No matter how much I tried to cling onto them, underneath it all? It was because of this. Because how can I deserve something so good when I’m the reason her sister’s gone?
And every time I let myself get lost in her—in her laugh, her mouth, her skin—those few stolen moments when the guilt dissipated, despisal and self-loathing would come roaring back the second it was over.
Her mouth opens, but nothing comes out. Her eyes search mine like she’s waiting for the punchline, for me to laugh and sayjust kiddinglike this is some fucked-up joke.
But I don’t. I can’t. Because it’s the truth. And she deserves to know, no matter how much it breaks her.
“We’d been recording at Big Sky Studios for a while before she showed up,” I say, throat raw, the memory of those studio hours flashing in my mind like a montage, all the talking, the laughing, becoming friends. “Back when all we’d been doing was playing at shitty venues and recording in cheap studios just to get our music out. But Big Sky? That was the first time it felt like we weren’t faking it anymore. And then Penny started working there, and…we loved her.”
“We?” she breathes. “You mean… all of you?” Her voice cracks as she glances at Beau and Eli, the pair of them lowering their gazes as her bottom lip trembles. “You all knew she was my sister?”
I nod, barely, unable to meet her eyes.
“Yeah,” I whisper, wishing the way her eyes shine with unshed tears wasn’t because of me. “She ran our sessions, grabbed coffee, set up our mics. Loved every second of it, you could tell. She didn’t care that it was grunt work; she just wanted to be part of the music.”
Paige’s eyes blink shut, a single tear trailing down her cheek.
“She was…amazing. The light of any room. Always smiling, always laughing, made you feel like you were the most interesting person alive.” I exhale hard, chest cracking open under the weight of everything I should’ve said earlier. “God, she could be annoying. Constantly teasing Eli, stealing Austin’s snacks. But you couldn’t even be mad; she just had this way of making you love her for it.”
Paige’s breath hitches like she’s holding back a sob, a sound I feel in my ribs.
“We were friends,” I say, barely above a whisper. “That’s all it ever was. But…there were moments, glances I didn’t see at the time. And then one night, she kissed me.” Taking a step forward, my heart breaks as she backs away from me.
“It was you,” she breathes out, almost to herself, face pale, eyes wide and glassy.
“What?”
“That night, she called me laughing, telling me how embarrassed she was for trying to kiss someone after misreading signals,” she says, the words coming out in a tumble. “She never told me who it was, even when I begged, she just kept saying how stupid it all was.” She sniffs, shaking her head. “I always thought it was some random colleague… I thought…Fuck, I didn’t think it was you.” Folding in on herself, she buries her face in her hands. “The diary entries… Jesus, it was right there. And I didn’t see it. I didn’tseeit.”
I want to ask what she means, but I can’t. If I don’t get it all out now, I never will.
“It was in the news the next day. The crash. A fucking truck ran a red light, hit her side on,” I rasp, swallowing hard. “It was my fault. I let her leave, Paige, I let her walk out of that door, embarrassed, humiliated… She never made it home.” I lift my head, not looking at anyone, not Beau, or Eli. Only Paige. “Because of me.”
My hands fist at my sides, nails dig painfully into my palms, and I welcome the pain.Needit.
“I went to the funeral,” I say quietly. “I saw you.”
She lowers her hands, tears streaking her cheeks, eyebrows pulled tight in a mixture of confusion and devastation.
“You looked just like her.” Heaviness threatens to choke me as I stare at her, mascara smudged under her eyes. “Then two years later, you walked into that audition like the punishment I’d been waiting for.” She flinches, and I deserve it. “You felt familiar, butI didn’t know why, not until we heard your last name. But that laugh… I knew I’d heard it before.”
The betrayal on her face is its own kind of violence. “All this time. And you said nothing? Let me fall for you while lying to me?”
She’s fallen for me?
“Uh, guys…” Eli tries to interrupt, but I ignore him. I’m not done.
“I thought I could handle it,” I say. “I thought if I kept my distance, it’d be fine. But you were just…there. Seeing me in ways no one ever has. Every time I told myself to back off, you made it impossible.”
