Page 101 of Fly Boy
But none of that registers.
My senses are dulled.
My arm tenses as I feel Sadie glance up at me, her free hand coming to squeeze my wrist as we approach the room. My mouth dries, my anxiety peaks, and I have the overwhelming urge to run.
“Sweetheart, it’s okay,” Sadie murmurs as she senses my discomfort. “I’ll be right here with you.”
The nurse stops short of the door, pulling her hand away from the handle and turning her back to it. “Before you go in, I just want to make you aware that Fiona probably looks a little different from when you saw her last.”
“Will she be able to hear us?” Sadie asks.
The nurse makes a non-committal sound. “It’s unlikely at this stage in her life. However, it’s believed that hearing is one of the last senses to go. I’d still talk to her; you never know, on some level, she could still hear you and take comfort in your voice and words.” She pats Sadie’s arm. “I’ll be back at reception if you need anything.”
She pushes the door open, standing to the side to let us in. The sterile scent of antiseptic fills my nose, and beneath it, the subtle scent of the flowers by her bedside. I hear Sadie close the door behind her, and she walks to the corner of the room. Fiona’s heart monitor beeps steadily next to her bed, her arms lined with various IV lines running to fluid bags suspended above her, and nasal prongs positioned at her nose.
She almost looks peaceful, as if she’s sleeping, her eyes closed, her hands resting on top of her chest. Her hair isn’t the same light blonde I remembered it to be, and she looks smaller, fragile, worn by time and her disease.
I approach the foot of her bed, glancing down at the chart hanging off the white plastic railing, reading her name.Fiona Bethany Breacon.My hands ball up into fists, and I shove them forcefully into my pants pockets. I didn’t even know shehada middle name.
And then it hits me. This woman is a stranger. The deep lines around her eyes and mouth from years of smiling are as unknown to me as her full name.
I’d built this moment up in my head, thought about every word I’d want to tell her. Only looking at her now, lying in the hospital bed, the words crumble to dust as a cold wave of clarity smashes into me. The woman I’d carried so much anger for, resentment, and hurt is not this woman in front of me. There’s no recognition, no connection, no pain. Now everything I held against this lady feels hollow, wasted, pointless.
All those unanswered questions, all that doubt, doesn’t feel so heavy now. What I was holding on to for all my adult life was a memory of a ghost, the preconceived image of a person I’d built up inside my head. Because while she doesn’t know me, I don’t know her either.
Sadie’s warm hand slips into mine. “Do you want to say anything?”
I shift my gaze between the woman who birthed me and the one who’s been my mom since the day I handed her a bashed-up bouquet of lilies.
Focusing on Fiona, I clear my throat. “I’m sorry this has happened to you.” Glancing down, I stare at Sadie’s small hand holding mine in a death grip that I’m unsure is for my benefit or hers. Squeezing it gently, I whisper, “I don’t have anything else to say.”
“That’s okay, sweetheart,” she replies, offering me a sad smile. “But do you mind if I say something to her?”
“Sure.”
She lets go of my hand and rounds the bed, lowering to the chair beside it. “You might not know about me, but I’m Sadie, Miles’s wife.” She pauses, looking over her shoulder at me, a crease in her brow before turning back. “I… erm… I just want to say thank you.” She sniffs. “Thank you so much for giving me my son.”
My heart stops, my mouth parts, and adrenaline surges through my blood, making my hands shake. Time after time, she’s told me she thinks of me as her son, and time after time, I brushed it aside. I didn’t let the words take root inside my chest, didn’t let the little boy, desperate for approval, desperate for a mother’s love, hope that Sadie was her—that she was alwaysmeantto be her.
Jumping to her feet, she swipes at her eyes, rushing for the door and back out into the hallway. I chase after her, trying not to run through the wing as more people arrive for visiting hours.
A family walks out of a patient’s room, and I nearly trip over two small kids glued to a tablet or Switch or something.
“Sorry, excuse me,” I say, weaving last minute to avoid barreling into them. The mother gripes something I don’t hear as I continue after Sadie, watching her short dark hair disappear through the double doors we first came through.
My mind still reels as I rush forward, needing to catch up with her.
It’s not just the big milestones Sadie’s been there for, it’s the little ones, too. The scraped knees, helping with homework after school, driving me to football practice and cheering me on in the stands. The excitement when I got my report cards, the joy when I got into aviation school, the tears when I graduated. She’s always been there. For them all. Every damn time.
“Sadie?” I yell after her, breaking into a jog down the corridor. “Mom, wait.”
She halts, her breath hitching as she stares out in front of her, her hands shaking by her sides. I step around her, finding her cheeks stained with tears, her brown eyes glittering with more. I open my mouth to speak, but she steps forward, pulling me into a tight hug, holding on with a strength that feels unnatural.
“I love you so much, Wyatt,” she says, her voice cracking with each word.
“I know. And I am so sorry for the complete asshole I’ve been for years. Shutting you out…”
“No.” Sadie shakes her head vehemently, pulling back to take my hands in hers. “Don’t even go there. It has been one of my greatest pleasures in life to watch you grow into the man you’ve become. Not once did I think that you didn’t love me in your own way, didn’t want me in your life, so don’t. Don’t you dare try to apologize.” She swallows thickly, her voice breaking as she continues. “You have made your father and I so unbelievably proud. I hope you know that. Here you are, this strong, resilient man who went through something no child should ever have to and while once you might have had so much hatred in your heart for Fiona, you didn’t let that consume you.”
