Page 174 of A Very Merry Enemy
“See you,” I say.
After everyone’s gone, it’s just me, Holiday, and Mawmaw in the kitchen washing dishes.
“You two are quiet,” Mawmaw observes.
“Just tired,” Holiday says quickly. “Long day.”
Mawmaw looks at me, and I can see her putting pieces together, but she just nods. “Well, you both did amazing today. I’m so proud.”
“Thanks, Mawmaw,” I say, kissing her cheek. “We’re gonna head out.”
“Drive safe. And Lucas?” She catches my arm and pulls me back into a hug. “Whatever it is, you’ll figure it out.”
How does she always know?
“I know,” I whisper, hugging her tight.
Holiday and I walk to the truck in silence.
“You want to come over?” I ask, even though I’m terrified of her answer.
She looks at me for a long moment. “Yes. I do.”
We drive to my house. The whole way, my mind is racing. Nashville. Eighteen hours away. Ten days to decide. How do I compete with her dream? How do I ask her to choose me over everything she’s worked for?
I can’t. I won’t. But gosh, I should.
When we get to my house, Holiday follows me inside. I turn on the lights, start a fire, do all the normal things. But nothing feels normal.
“Lucas,” she says, and her voice breaks on my name.
I turn around, and she’s standing in the middle of my living room, crying again.
“Come here,” I say, and she does.
I pull her close and just hold her. We stand there for a long time, not talking, just breathing together.
“I don’t want to lose you,” she finally whispers. “Not again.”
“You won’t.” I tilt her chin up to look at me. “No matter what happens, you won’t lose me.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”
She kisses me then, and it’s different from every other time. It’s more urgent and desperate, like she’s trying to memorize the taste of me and how we fit together.
I kiss her back with so much fervor, I steal her breath away. My hands slide into her hair, down her back, pulling her closer. She tugs at my shirt, and I help her pull it off. Her sweater follows. Then we’re stumbling toward my bedroom, shedding clothes as we go.
When we fall into bed, everything slows down. I take my time touching her and kissing every inch of skin I can reach. She does the same, her hands trembling as they map my body.
“I love you,” she whispers against my chest.
“I love you, too.” I roll her beneath me and look into her eyes. “So much.”
When I slide inside her, she gasps, and her eyes fill with tears. We move together, holding each other tight. It’s not frantic or rushed. It’s tender and heartbreaking and feels like we’re trying to hold on to something that’s slipping through our fingers.
It feels like goodbye, even though neither of us says it.
