Page 50 of Slaughtered Firefly
Bathrooms were my safe space, my one true home when things seemed impossible to figure out. I needed to get out of the hospital, whether they pronounced me insane or not. I would trade for immunity. As I thought the words, I shivered. Did Ireally want to see Daddy locked up for good? There wasn’t a cop across this city that wouldn’t want to see Midas firmly behind bars, so why did I hesitate at the idea?
Strained and taxing was my relationship with Dad, even more so these past two years. Maybe my acting out would snap him back to reality. When I was always Daddy’s good little girl, he stopped playing with me. I missed our time together. My fragile mental state aside, I knew I had to be punished to get his attention.
The shower water turned to ice before I realized how utterly fucked I was in this situation. I wanted Midas. I craved the warm embraces and the reassurance that came with him. He was the only man in my life who never lied to me. He never hid the ugly, cold-hearted truth, and for that I thanked him.
Like an itch that couldn’t be contained, my mind pondered the upcoming evaluation. Atrocious as society’s thoughts on blood relations having sex are , it isn’t that bad. Parts of me understood the heinous ideals, but it was also the slice of me I never allowed to surface. I wanted Daddy in ways I couldn’t explain to a normal person.Yes , he raped me, but I deserved it. I tried to run from him, and he caught me. The psych eval would reveal the truth of my sick obsession with Midas; it might even confirm what I thought all along.
I smiled as I switched off the water and returned to reality.
The restof the week went by in a blur, Midas was released on bail, the emergency motion for a retrial was largely debated and I laughed when the arresting cop was put front and center for their fuck up, the reporters had a field day. Just a day later, Cole was released, showing up at the hospital only to be turned away.I couldn’t speak to him right now; it was a mistake to answer that call; the child should be seven— no, don’t think about that.
“Miss Williams?” the nurse asked softly, and I didn’t even realize she was there.
“Yes?” I stood up from the stiff chair that I had made my home the past few days, stretching my arms over my head. The gown someone had given me hung around my shoulders.
“If you follow me, they are ready for you,” she smiled softly.
“Right, to the looney bin,” I chuckled out following her down the halls, through a corridor that led to the staff elevators. With a police officer behind me, obviously they still considered me a flight risk.
We waited in silence as the elevator rose three floors. The chime of the elevator followed by the doors opening was all the warning I had before seeing the bright white wall in front of me. The psychiatric unit was plastered on the wall in millennial gray colors. The nurse walked out, and I followed behind. The officer did not follow but nodded and returned.
A short bit later, and I was in a room that looked like it was for kids, bright color schemes, a few playful toys here and there, a small table and chairs, and paper with crayons.Well done, you’ve definitely gotten yourself down a rabbit hole.
I sat on the alphabet rug in the center of the room giving it a once over, it was designed as a safe space and my guess it was mostly children they handled and judging by the mirror I was currently looking at it was an observation area.
I laid back and closed my eyes, no sense in having the anxiety analyzed while I waited for whatever doctor to come through.
30
DOCTORS LIE
Present day–August 8th
“Mia is it?” The voice woke me from the nap. I leaned up, groaning from the stiff positions I had fallen asleep in.
My eyes bulged at the presence of the man, and apprehension knotted in my stomach. I hated male doctors. The memories of the training center flashed through my eyes before I took a deep breath, shutting it down. It’s one doctor.Stupid girl.
“Are we ready to start yet?” I asked in an even tone as I read the badge name.
“Hello miss Williams, I am Doctor Louis,” The short, balding man reached out a hand, and I flinched.Hey there, tiger … will you scream for me?I blinked rapidly as the panic began. It. Is. Not. Him. Stop. The laughter bubbled out of me. It was always easier to mask the panic with laughter.
“Oh so you drew the short stick, it’s fitting, alright well let’s get this over with, I assume my lawyer is in there?” Throwing a glance towards the two-way mirror.
“Yes he is observing, as you approved. I apologize for the room, this is the only observation area for this facility,” he smiled tentatively. They always smiled before they did something horrible. I blinked a few times, slowing my breaths.Why did he look so familiar?
“I am sure it makes the kids feel right at home,” I replied sarcastically.Pretend. Fabricate the tone. Seduce the man. Anything to make it stop.
Louis made a sound of approval.That’s it; don’t make them mad.He sat down in one of the tiny table chairs; he looked ridiculous. There was a file and a pin he set down as well.
“Where do you want to begin?” I prompted, still not entirely sure where this would lead. If there was one area of study I failed in, it was Psych. Psychology was never a subject of my interest. No matter how much I tried or read, it was just a subject that bored me. I laid back on the rug as I tried to pull any knowledgeof the subject to the forefront of my mind; however, only a blankness met me. Shit.
“We begin wherever you are comfortable, but I do have a list of topics the hospital staff were concerned about, perhaps you would like to start there?” Louis’ voice was even as he asked and I got off the floor joining him at the table. The floor was never a good place to be.
It seemed only prudent to shut up now, and I’m tired of wasting time. The anxiety was worse the longer I was in his presence. I pulled the stack of paper towards me and the box of crayons, determined to just let it flow. I had spent so much time locking that little Summer up I was unsure how, so as the doctor waited in silence and I started to scribble on the paper I undid layers of walls within my mind. Back to the trauma of birth. Back to the betrayal of love. Back to the center, to friends … Magdalena … Scarlett. I wouldn’t risk their safety. I breathed in deeply as I refocused myself. I wouldn’t tell him more than necessary.
“Guess I should say it started with the death of my mother, she was my world. What mother isn’t at that age?” my voice sounded a bit detached, but I kept going.
“I loved my family, we had a good life, but things changed and I was too ignorant to see it. Daddy was always a family man, we lived in a large mansion outside of town and when I was younger, Uncle Ryan would visit. He was my favorite uncle, Momma always seemed happier when he was around, her sun shining smile a mirror of my own,” I paused to grab another sheet of paper, the butterfly I had drawn I set in a pile next to the clean ones.
