Page 86 of Slaughtered Firefly
“No, you don’t get to call me that. You slaughteredFirefly. She’s dead now.”
“Listen,” He stepped forward again, and I cocked the pistol, making him pause. Tears streamed down my face in uncontrollable rage. I couldn’t even see straight anymore; my eyes were burning, my body ached from the pain. I was in so much pain, there was nothing that could fill the void. She’s gone now.
Joy filled me when I learned that the little baby I had so long ago was alive. I mean, fuck, the relief of killing that bottle blonde bitch sent me into a happy delirium. It was like my soul could breathe for the first time. I’d been drowning all my life, and I didn’t realize that there were weights tied to my ankles. I didn’t want to believe it at first. How could a baby survive the chaos that was me? My baby. It was surreal.
I stepped back, afraid I’d lose my mind again. “You don’t even realize how traumatizing it was,” I whispered.
“Summer — ”
“No. I’m talking so listen.” My voice cracked as the memories surfaced. My hand shook as I held the gun towards him.
“You remember when I was fifteen? We had planned to run away. You’d just bought your bike, and we had planned to set out at our place?” A sob rang free from my lips as I stumbled to the wooden chair.
“Yes, you were supposed to meet me in our clearing, but I was held up,” His eyes were downcast, not truly looking me in the eye.
“I waited for you!” I screamed. “I waited in that clearing until they dragged me back, I was their entertainment, you knew they’d catch me if you got delayed,” I sobbed.
“I’m so sorry — ”
“Shut up! Just shut the fuck up and let me talk,” I smoothed my hair against my head as I sniffled and looked at him. “You knew about the whippings, you knew they’d do it again and yet you abandoned me. There was so much blood, I didn’t understand why. It never happened like that before — ” I paused and wiped my nose with the back of my hand.
“I didn’t have a choice — ”
“Did you know when your body goes into intense trauma it rejects everything else? The physical pain of the whip, the emotional pain of you abandoning me– it was too much. I lost it.” I couldn’t breathe now; my body was shaking like hell.
“Lost?” Cole questioned quietly.
“I lost my baby. I didn’t even know I was pregnant and I lost it. On that bloodied concrete as hundreds of people watched.”
Cole’s face blanched, but I had started, so there was no going back.
“They drugged me. I woke up in a facility with a note from Midas and no escape. He said I needed teaching, that they would teach me to be better.” I laughed now. It was some kind of joke. I spent months denying it, buried under the idea that Midas was always right, that Cole hadn’t loved me.
“He sent me to a school to be the perfect whore. His whore. You didn’t even look for me. The men there they beat me, starved me, and raped me, but I didn’t break at first. I just hoped you were out there looking for me. When I killed one, I thought I’d be free, but they snuck up on me in my sleep. After nights of fighting sleep I succumbed to it. They transferred me. I was back home, at least stateside. When you never came I realized I had to do it myself. I had to be my own savior. I had to survive.”
“I — ”
“It’s too late for apologies,” I didn’t even flinch when I pulled the trigger. It was all the rage; it blinded me.
Cole yelled in anguish, and I blinked away tears. The bullet grazed his right arm. I was relieved I hadn’t killed him, but he stopped pushing forward.
“You know the worst part? The worst part is I escaped and the first thing I did was look for you. You were the one thing that I had good in my life. I found you balls deep in another woman,” I was hysterical now, laughing like this was a big fucking joke.
“What — ”
“I believed you would wait for me, and I realized I was just a dumb naive bitch. Midas took care of me when I was having an emotional breakdown. He made it all better. I gave him my pain. My heart. He gave me purpose. He gave me safety and security.”
“Midas has never once loved you.”
“How do you know? You abandoned me. Used me to get close to Midas. You stole from me and then lost the one innocent and pure thing I had. My child is missing. You fucking lost her.”
“I didn’t want to — ”
“How could you?” The broken question slipped out as I threw the letter at him. The blood smear, the golden hair, and the threat. “She’s mine, admit it!” I held the Polaroid in my hand. I knew I should have given it over to Dustin, trusted the police to do their job and find her, but it was personal. The note was a threat to me; I just wasn’t sure who the sender was.
“She should have been safe. I don’t understand.” He furrowed his eyebrows.
“I would have protected her! You had no right to take her from me! You promised me a future. I would have — ”
