Page 82 of Slaughtered Firefly
BROKEN
Present day
“Please stop, P-please,” I gasped as I came too. There was no stopping him, and I couldn’t get my brain wrapped around reality.
“You killed her!” He shouted as his dick slammed into me. I sobbed, my nails sunk into his forearms as I tried to fight him. Please fight him, please.
“I- I didn’t k-know!” I screamed, the tears flowing with uncontrollable sadness. Grief and rage flooded my system as I hyperventilated. I could hardly see, but my hands clawed and slapped against his body. Finally, obeying my commands, but it was no use. I shrieked as his thrusts quickened, my insides still too tight, too rigid for his assault. He gripped my chin with his hand, forcing me to watch as he ruined me. “You were never going to replace her, you’re just a broken cunt that’s only good for fucking,” he seethed as his fist made contact with my face. Welts formed over the damaged area as I released another cry. Daddy moaned, his hips almost faltering against his pace.Please be over. Please stop. I don’t want this…I chanted in my head as he shoved his fingers down my throat, choking and gagging me. Every time I thought I could escape the relentless slams of his cock within me, he’d squeeze my jaw open hard enough that I would sob in pain, and his fingers would sink further.
I didn’t feel real. All I could see was the little girl held against her will. The stupid girl who couldn’t save herself.Why was no one there to protect her?
“No, stop!” I lost it. I don’t know if it was the sick smile on his face or the years of abuse, but I started hitting, slapping, and trying to buck him off me. My cries for help turned to yells of rage as I fought him. I needed to do this for myself, but it was so hard.
He slapped my cheek, and my head slammed into the wooden armrest. Heat flushed at the point of impact, and my head spun from the pain. Blood ran down the side of my face.That heavy weight was back with a vengeance. So hard to resist the pull against my body. My body jolted with his pace, and that tightening sensation began to curl in my stomach. He groaned as if the pain he caused me was giving him pleasure. I was so disgusted with myself — with him for raping me. I couldn’t get away from him; it was useless, and I was so tired.Give up, your a stupid whore, just wait until it is done.No I can’t. I have to fight him.Why? You seem to like it anyway…Did I like being raped? When did I stop crying? It was like I was frozen, watching my body be taken without regard. Pleasure pooled in my core, and the pounding in my head didn’t feel so bad anymore.WHORE.No, I can’t. My head beat against the wooden armrest, my eyes rolled, and my breath deepened. It was some kind of trance, and I enjoyed the numbness of it. I couldn’t bring myself to cry for freedom.Take it like the whore you are!
I must have losttime between the blood seeping down my temple and the new smell of bile in my nose. My body no longer faced him. I was met with both relief and deep fear when I realized he was no longer inside me. I failed myself. I liked it, the sense of relief when I stopped trying was so comforting. Why didn’t I care? Soreness stretched between my legs. I needed to move, but I just lay there, staring at the bare threads of the years-old cushion.Make him pay.It was Momma’s voice now, or was it mine? I didn’t know anything anymore. How do I move past the one man who was everything to me? Tears leaked from my red, tired eyes. I pushed off the couch with shaky limbs. Blood seeped down my legs. The dress was ripped in two, and it fell off my bruised body with ease. I turned to survey the shed, the place I had called home all my life.
My childhood bookshelf lay broken and splintered. The table flipped and chairs were smashed. The whole area looked like a wild hurricane had appeared and then disappeared into thin air. I saw the faded red of my favorite shirt hanging from the broken shelf. It was a battle cry and a comfort as I pulled the worn fabric over myself.Get out and never come back.Shards of glass embedded in my feet as I stepped towards the door in a trance. Everything screamed inside of me. All the bruises took that opportunity to screech out they were there, right fucking there.
My feet slipped on the dew-covered grass as I took shaky steps through the backyard; my feet stumbled on the worn grooves of the path that led me astray. It felt like ages before I pulled myself onto the side of the car’s seat. I screamed in pain when I sat on my butt cheeks; the welted skin was on fire. I don’t know when he caused so much pain to my backside, but I was glad it was numbed over like the rest of me.
I sat on the curve of the seat contemplating what to do next. I didn’t even realize I was calling someone until the man on the line said ‘hello’ for the third time.
“Oh, could you help me?”What was I, some pathetic fool?You should have just died with the rest. Daddy didn’t love you anymore. Fucking whore.
Depressing thoughts marched on like Spartan warriors, never wavering in the confines of my mind. The few lingering soldiers of hope cowered at the sheer size of the dark army, and with it, my mind spiraled into a raging battlefield. The few words I managed to get past their defenses were meek, confusing and lost.
The phone dangled in my hand as I screamed again. Maybe it was in my head; I wasn’t sure, but the darkness took over after that. There was no time or place that held me better than the inky blackness. The thoughts, while cruel and punishing, neverlied; they never abandoned me for someone else; they existed only for me. It was torture, and yet it was more.
“I need … ” What did I need? It was so hard to think.
“Where are you?” The urgency in the voice was comforting, at least that was all I thought before the tiredness settled in. Darkness seduced it to its will, and the pain sang me a lullaby as my body slid downwards. The phone clattered to the ground.
“Home,” I whispered.
Gentle arms liftedmy fragile body, cradling me to the owner’s chest. A hum of a car’s engine banished the voices as I was laid on the backseat. My eyes refused to open like re-enforced concrete for a busy road.
“Stay with me, I’ll take care of you,” the voice repeatedly told me.
54
A FRIEND
Present day
The steady drone of machinery buzzed in my ear like a bee caught in a jar. No matter how hard I tried to fight to stay under, there was just nothing I could do. Chattering voices were all around me, and someone was taking my pulse. A flood of bright light hit my retinas like a freight train, and I pinched my eyes closed. A strangled noise escaped my dry mouth, and all the voices went silent.
“Give me the room.” A strong voice commanded.
“Yes doctor.” A choir of acknowledgements spoke, and the patter of shoes migrated around before the door clicked shut.
“Are you awake?” His voice was softer now, almost too soft. I opened my eyes this time, expecting the harsh lighting, only there weren’t any harsh lights. The man stood by the door, his hand still on the light panel. My own personal angel has saved my life again. He looked at me with a sad, knowing smile before he came around the bedside.
“Here,” He held a styrofoam cup with a straw to my lips, and I greedily gulped down the cold liquid. “Do you know where you are?” I nodded, still not ready to speak yet. He set the drink on the side table and pulled up a chair. There was no rush in his movements, just a slow steady pace. “Do you know what happened?”
The memories bombarded me — the shouting, the crying, and the rape. I nodded again, feeling sick. The heart rate monitor dinged alarms and the man just leaned over silencing it, letting me have the moment to process.
“I’m sorry,” I didn’t know why I was apologizing or what brought me to even utter the words. I shouldn’t have been there. I knew what he was capable of, but I was blind. I thought for once the man that raised me might have given two shits about me, but I was wrong. I was just a stupid little girl.
