Page 79 of Slaughtered Firefly
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Present Day
How did I know I would end up back where it all started? Midas wasn’t at the warehouse, nor was he at his usual string of hotels; no, he was at the one place no one would know except me.Home.
I got out of the car, dropping the keys on the ground as I stared at the vast mansion. Its manicured lawns and trimmed bush lines disgusted me, but I never truly lived here. It was home, but not my home. No. My home was the small shed in the back, where I would find him. I swallowed, trying to trick my mind into being brave. It wasn’t working, as my legs suddenly felt like an anvil had been dropped on them; the warm summer breeze wasn’t helping the coldness I felt. It lifted my dress slightly, a gentle nudge forward, a whisper of encouragement. It reminded me the longer I waited, the worse it would be.
I made my way up the steps of the grand porch, its white columns stood out against the setting sun. It was strange to be staring at them now on two feet. The pearl white was nothing like the shade of crimson that had splattered across the stone those many years ago. This mansion was full of memories. Like that, I could spend all evening reflecting on every punishment, every praise, but it would do nothing to stop the racing thoughts about what Midas might do this time. I shivered, hugging myself tightly, preparing to put the mask in place. I looked up at the tall windows. It was foreign to be on this side, not encased in the walls like some prisoner. Fuck, what am I going to say? ‘Hey daddy sorry I got caught, you taught me better and I failed?’ What a fucking joke that would be. I slapped my cheek trying to psych myself up to deal. Ultimately, I had no clue what I was up against. I could read any man and put on a fake persona for them, but I couldn’t do the same for Dad. I sighed, dropping my shoes. They would do me no good; they wouldn’t slow the interaction; they would just be something in the way. My heart was in my ears as I pushed against the door. It was open already,staff was nowhere to be found. I might die in this mansion, the same way Mom did, and no one would be the wiser.
I glanced back towards the car, contemplating running back to the man who was slowly carving a ledge in my heart. I had left him again. I was such a bitch, luring him into a false sense of security with sugar-coated actions and a pity story, maybe one day he’d learn not to turn his back on me. Doubtful. Men were stupid like that, and I was–well, I was something different. Hopefully, my clues would be enough for him; if not, I was screwed.
I pushed against the already ajar door and walked straight back, not even glancing up when I passed the vast party rooms, or rooms I’d been sold to the highest bidder, no my focus was on the man I knew to be waiting at home.
There’s that word again, home… I can’t believe I am home. Out the French doors, my feet found the edge of the concrete by the pool, its cool blue surface begged to be disturbed. Maybe I could fall in, and sink to the bottom so I don’t have to come to terms with the reality I created. I created it, yes, so whatever happened next was on me. Sunset glistened across the surface of the water quickly, reminding me that I was running out of time.
The light to the shed was on. I could see that dingy yellow light from this distance, my nightlight when I was scared, the same light I saw when I peeked out the high window. It was both my friend and enemy. My hands felt clammy as my feet continued walking towards him. The dew gathered on the blades of grass beneath my feet, a calming sensation I would cling to when he punished me.
I didn’t dare turn back; I could hardly concentrate on anything but that door.Momma said we can’t go to that shed ever.It felt like yesterday, and yet it was so far away. My hand shook as I grabbed the door handle. Its wear over the years had caused the silver coating to flake and rust.
The door creaked as it opened, and I winced at the sound. It raked against my eardrums, taunting me with what would come. Midas was sitting at the table, facing away from me. With a beer in his hand, the remainder of the six-pack sweated on the table next to him.
I came around to face him, but he didn’t look at me. I was hurt and relieved all at the same time. He’s never ignored my presence before, a mask of unreadable emotions on his face. “Business is slow, too slow, what do you plan to do about it?” His conversational tone held spite. Business wasn’t slow, and he knew it. The numbers didn’t lie, and the snuff film topped charts on the dark web. It wasn’t about business; it was about why I had been slow. Why did I not do as I was told? Why did I jeopardize the entire Syndicate empire with a dumb mistake?But it wasn’t a mistake.
“Business is always slow inSummer, perhaps you forgot in your time away,” I replied.Summer, when was the last time he called me by name?I took one of the beers, twisted off the top and handed it to him. He threw it against the kitchen wall. The glass shattered; the amber liquid ran down the wall. I could hear it as it dripped against the vinyl.
Drip.
What is this feeling of despair creeping in?
Drip.
Why won’t he look at me?
Drip.
He’s my father, and yet I —
“You stupid bitch,” his voice was barely above a whisper. I flinched back, trying to rationalize and compartmentalize his response. He looked at me now, as I desperately tried tounderstand this new response to something so trivial. So what if I got caught? He’d spent so long in and out of jail it didn’t matter. I was still his most trusted, his right hand. His favorite daughter. The look he gave me said otherwise, though, and I frowned.
“You stupid little girl,” his voice rose as he stood up to his full height. The salt and pepper in his hair highlighted his age lines, his stress. I had caused that stress, and I stepped back, shaking my head. Any bravado I had mustered faded like a flower picked too soon.
“I’m sorry, daddy. I don’t know what came over me,” I looked down, submitting to him. I knew it would do nothing to stop the punishment, but I couldn’t help apologizing for it. It was a stupid mistake. A stupid mistake blew my cover stories apart. I stood there, my head bent low, my hands trembling as he glared at me. I was scared. This was not like previous times, I shouldn’t have come back. This was very different from my past mistakes.Why did I come back?
“You’ve been a bad girl,” he breathed out, and every nerve in my body reacted to that emotion. Anger was emanating from him as he talked down to me, but I couldn’t contradict him. I knew better, so I stood there waiting for the beating that would come. Whip lashing and humiliation that would put me on death’s door. Anything to please Daddy for my mistake. “I’m disappointed in you Summer,” he sighed. My heart shattered as I choked on a sob. Never in my thirty years of life did he ever use my name; it was always sweetheart, darling or my perfect little whore ... this was uncharted.
My heart fractured with the words. With his tone and my name across his lips, I couldn’t breathe. My chest tightened uncontrollably, and tears kept falling as I swiped them with my shaky hands. I dared to look at him at that moment. His face mirrored his words, disappointment etched firm. Daddy’s never been disappointed in me, and he’s never called me bymy name. I wailed out, no longer caring if there was anyone else on the property or that I was crawling back into my mind at his disappointment.You worthless, stupid girl, you couldn’t do anything right. You deserve this. You fucked up. You are a mistake. You should just die. Daddy won’t forget this; he won’t forgive you.My mind unwound as every brutal thought I had slammed into me at his disappointment. I had to fix things. I pleaded and begged him, seeking forgiveness for this grave wrongdoing. “I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry,” I grabbed onto his hand. He shook off my grasp as a grimace formed.You’re a disgrace.
“You had one job. Don’t fuck it up, and what did you do? You fucked it up, and now I’ve got some pansy ass cop on my ass. My best man is in a hospital, and my lawyer is gone and it all started with you,” he spat out the words, and I crumpled to my knees. It was worse than any blow I had received, breaking the strong walls I had constructed against him. I didn’t even register the fact that the other men in my life were missing or on death’s bed; no, it was the venomous way that Daddy said ‘you’ that sent me back into a sobbing mess. I fucked up, and it was my fault.You stupid little girl.
“Please Daddy, how can I make it up to you? I’ll do anything, please-” my pleas fell on deaf ears as he turned and walked toward the other side of the room. He had never been disappointed in me before, I didn’t know how to react except to beg. The begging wasn’t enough though. He stood there, turned away from me, and it splintered my mind. I beat my hands against my skull trying to think.You were always perfect. How do I fix this? What if I—you promised yourself. Why does it hurt so much to have him disappointed? Just do it, you stupid whore. It’s not like you don’t remember how too.A sob freed from my lips as I choked on the decision. There was only one thing I could try, and I sniffled, wiping my eyes once again,to stop myself from crying. I knew what to do. I knew how to bring Daddy’s mind out of the chaos, hopefully it worked on the disappointment and contempt he showed towards me. I had to please him. I was on my knees, sobbing at the thought, anything else and I would have done it instantly but I was fighting myself with this action. Anything I’d do it, but this was like betraying myself all over again, climbing back into that well I clawed my way out of so many years ago — it was the one thing I swore I wouldn’t do again. The deal I had made with the devil had to stop. I was disgusted with myself as I thought about the idea. To please him after all these years, after all the torment, was the only thing I knew best. Things were always better when I was pleasing Daddy. I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t grasp that at the moment. I pulled down his suit pants; his cock pushed out. It was an old routine, but I knew exactly what to do. To be the submissive whore I was trained to be.
I only hoped it would save the person that I cared the most about.
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