Page 38 of Slaughtered Firefly
Shock filled her face as she stopped eating. “Do you think … is it possible? I mean would they?”
I nodded, too fearful to acknowledge what I already knew as truth. She watched me, contemplating whether I was telling her the truth or just lying to her. She was smart, weighing the consequences. I sighed, “He does love to fuck with my mind.”
She struggled to apologize to me, and I just weakly smiled.
“Did you love him?”
“Who?”
“The father.”
Who was the father?“I didn’t know I was pregnant…” Laughter echoed around me. I tried to ground myself in the here and now, with the girl across from me, but I just saw red. Why was it so red? I didn’t know — why didn’t I know?Stupid girl, finish speaking …“Until I lost it.” I swallowed hard. I didn’t know.
I shoveled a spoonful of food into my mouth, almost gagging from the taste. It was soup, so it should have been an easy swallow, but it felt like razor blades down my throat. There wasn’t anything left to say about it. I’d have to ask the doctor, the one who always paid close attention to details.Fuck, what was his name?I am sure he wouldn’t sugarcoat it…maybe.
Another bitch came by with, “Hi little one.” It brought me out of my depressive spiral as I sat a little straighter.
“Hi—what?”
“Don’t pay them any attention, they are just jealous. You have the nicest trainer.” It was a straightforward reply. They wanted her position with the infamous ‘Sir’ instead of the other fucks in this place. The nicest trainer was putting it lightly; they were all deranged, sick assholes.
“What are we in high school?”
“You got to admit, it’s not much different than high school,” I joked.Shit, I hope that was accurate. When was the last time I was in school? Wasn’t I supposed to be in school?I shook my head trying to get my age right. I looked like a lot of the girls here, and all the trauma aged us … why can’t I figure it out? There was too much silence again. I didn’t want to be awkward. This new girl had been with her for a while, but it was the first time she was let out with us all because Sir had been ready to present her.
“I watched you,” I finally managed to bring myself to speak after choking down food.
“You mean on the stage?”
“No. The other night.”
“Wh-what are you talking about?” she stuttered.
“One of your walls is a two way mirror. All of ours are so they can watch.” Her face drained of color as she struggled with it. She looked anywhere but towards me, and I reached my hand towards her. “It’s okay. They do it to everyone right before we are released. Don’t feel embarrassed by it. If you hadn’t obeyed and orgasmed, they wouldn’t have allowed you out here. What other choice do we have?” I shrugged. I could tell that it was too much for her. She was crawling back into her mind like a scared animal. I didn’t blame her, but I wanted to save her. “Hey, don’t let it get to you. I just … I didn’t want you walking around without knowing and having everyone whispering about it, like they did me.”
“Did your trainer make you do the same thing?”
I remembered being trapped against my own trainers. They usually assigned a single trainer to us. I was on a rotation. I didn’t think I should scare her with that aspect. Especially after what the last one did to me. “Not exactly, their job is to figure out our weakness, what we can’t handle and that’s what they target. So yours must have known you had a thing against anal sex.” She looked like a lost animal caught in a trap; her eyes were wide.Why was I so bad at making friends?Because you were never allowed to have a friend … Cole. He was my friend, though.Was he?
“What’s wrong? You’re so pale. Do you want to go outside?” I asked so I wouldn’t be alone with my thoughts. She nodded, shoving a few more items from the tray into her pockets, and followed me to the courtyard. It was a manufactured courtyard, with cement walls around, but it was the one good thing in thishell. We walked into the giant square, and the other girls gave me a wide berth. I didn’t blame them; they were pussies trying to get into everyone’s good graces. That’s the thing though; when you’re forced to kill over a morsel of food, you get a reputation. I was speed walking, faster and faster we walked until there was a slight sheen of sweat on both of us. It calmed the urges to lash out, to scream bloody murder and to curl into a ball. I wasn’t strong enough to keep going through this hell …Daddy said it wouldn’t be so long … why did he leave me?“Don’t trust him ever,” I finally said. It was more of a reminder to myself. Stop being so gullible.
“Sometimes I get a feeling there’s more between us, I can’t help but hang onto that. Did you ever … want him to love you? Your trainer?”
“No.” I stopped walking, caught off guard.Please don’t be like the rest. Don’t submit.“There isn’t any love. You are just trauma bonding. He’s abusing you and you attach yourself. Letting him be your everything, and you think you’ll fix him. Don’t do that. Fight him.” She contemplated my words as we continued to walk again. “Do you know why your trainer is famous here? He makes his slaves fall in love with him.”
“Uh. What? But … how? Why?”
I shrugged. “God only knows why these sick bastards do what they do. Yours enjoys the manipulation, fucking your brain and your body, it’s not rare as you think. I think it’s why every time you’re on display people are so eager to watch. They want to see if you’ve already fallen for his tricks. I heard you got the apartment after the spanking. The overlords were impressed by your defiance.”
I was arming her with the truth. She wasn’t like the rest of these two-bit whores; she was intelligent and cunning. She needed to survive. I wanted to believe that someone else could survive.
“Hey Little one, did they let you out finally?” One of the girls came up to us. I rolled my eyes. The nickname was cursed as far as I was concerned, but then again most of us were cursed to be here. The newest ‘little one’ wasn’t like the rest though; she had a grit to her that I hadn’t seen in the rest. It intrigued me; I wanted to know more about her.
“I’ve had enough,” The girl’s fist smashed into the other one’s nose, and she fell backwards, blood spurting out of her nose. A few guards were walking over to break up the semicircle that formed.“We are all victims, stop being pick-me bitches.”
I knew I liked this one. As the guards started shoving girls away, I smiled and waved.Gosh, what a perfect punch! Guess she wasn’t like the rest.
We walkedfor a bit more in silence before she asked what month it was. It was November. It was so warm for November. One month away from my birthday…had I been in here that long? Over a year?No, it was spring when they took me.I shook my head, determined to think of the positives. It was a good thing she gained some freedom before winter.God, had it been so long I’d forgotten the taste of true freedom?
