Page 36 of Slaughtered Firefly
“Yes?”
“Nothing, I thought I saw something but I didn’t, it’s the lack of sleep,” the forced lie left a bad taste in my mouth but I didn’t care. The heart rate monitor didn’t lie; they knew something spiked it.
There were some drugs still in my system. I knew it; the saline drip was slow to clear it all, or did they give me more? Sweat glistened on my palms as I watched my body for signs. Anxiety crept its way in, unmatched as I doubted myself. How could I let my eyes play tricks on myself? I should have been smarter, faster to realize it. My heart rate no longer jumped high as I forced myself to take deep breaths. I hated hospitals.
“I’m going to page the doctor, see if we can’t give you something to help you relax some, if you need anything hit the call button okay?” The feminine voice finally registered in my ears, and I blinked a few times before nodding my head.
She hit the lights on the way out the door, and I sat there in the dark, waiting for them to come back on . It must have been atrick of the night, but as I stared down at my legs, I couldn’t help the awful feelings as the memories surfaced.
Sixteen years ago
The blood wouldn’t go away.No matter how much I tried to scrub it away, it coated my hands in that violent shade of crimson. I couldn’t do it. I needed it off. “Get it off me!” I yelled towards him. The pain was worse this time. The hot sting of the whip was nothing compared to the coursing spasm that sprang from my body.What is happening?It didn’t make sense. My back was split open, bleeding from the numerous lashes I had come to possess that night. My punishment for running away.Stupid little girl.The first time I was whipped, I begged and screamed, biting my lips so hard as I gripped the shackles that held me, the pillar the only thing strong enough to support me. Tonight was the third time I’d been in this position. The third time, I was forced to clean up my useless blood while open wounds leaked. It was different this time. Crowds of people laughed and mocked me as I howled against every strike. The partygoers took turns with my misery. Even now, with the whip stowed away and the cold wind biting at my backside, I felt off. I turned watery eyes towards him, the man I betrayed, my father.
He just stared down, smiled like I was something so special, so precious in that moment. I needed air, but I couldn’t suck in enough oxygen. My lungs would not inflate properly. Quickened sharp inhales are all I managed as my palms shoved the towel against the rocky surface in an effort to mop up the blood.Why was there so much blood?Panic set in when the towel in my hands was a dark velvet red. “Why Won’t it stop? I can’t makeit stop!” I sobbed, looking at him as I dunked the towel in the bucket next to me. The bucket of water just turned bright red, and I screamed. “Fucking help me!” The venerability seeped in as the blood seeped out.Why wasn’t Daddy helping me?Desperately I glanced around the yard of people; they didn’t seem phased by my predicament. Laughing and snickering and then the clinking of glasses registered in my ears. No one cared at these parties.
Concrete glistened with blood as an intense wave of agony bowled through my core. I doubled over, gripping my stomach. My vision darkened. I couldn’t pass out in front of these people, but as my sight continued to blink off and on, it was a frightful possibility.No, please, no.
It wasn’t coming clean; it was just getting worse. The harder I buffed the abrasive surface, the more it stained. This wasn’t working …why wasn’t this working?My heart was beating in my head; I couldn’t focus on what was right. How do I get this blood off me? It was too much blood, too much blood for what I knew to be right. I cried hysterically at him, but all he did was watch, with that stupid sick smile upon his face. Hyperventilating was just the beginning of my descent into madness as I wailed. Did he kill Cole while I was being whipped? It was too much blood from the wounds on my back; they never bled this much. My body surged, a white-hot tingle crawled its way through my skin like it wanted to leave as many scratches as it could. “Fuck!” I screamed, forcing away the pain as the nausea crept in.
Sound was back now, even louder as the crowd once again gathered around me; ohs and ahh’s formed behind every thunderous beat of my heart. I knew I should have stayed calm, that the pounding of my pulse only made the wounds ache more, but I couldn’t stop the pain. Pain and I had an agreement: we would push each other to the limits and never over, but rightnow pain had the upper hand as it tore through my abdomen with a whip of its own. Every muscle ached in protest, cold chills formed like tiny razor bumps on my arms, but I was burning up.
My feet couldn’t lift me high enough as I tried and failed to stand. Daddy stood there, fascinated with me still. When my hand grasped his pant leg, he didn’t acknowledge it. “Help me,” I croaked. My voice sounded strange. Vocal cords were sore from the amount of screaming I had done. Why was this different from before?
Where is Cole?
Sweat dropped into the pool of blood, and I stopped breathing as my eyes caught the form in front of me. The rich tang of iron hit my nostrils within moments, and I knew without a doubt it was true. The blood was mine. It was mine, and I didn’t even know it.How could I not know it?It was small. So tiny and coated in red. My eyes were glued to the form in front of me. It was mine. I grabbed it as gently as I could, no longer processing the fact that I was slipping in my own blood. “Daddy?” I questioned, still not connecting how this could happen.
“You stupid little girl,” he finally spoke. I flinched, almost dropping it and a sob rang against my eardrums. He kneeled before me at that moment, his eyes locked with mine.
My eyes were so puffy as I met his clear steel-blue eyes. “Please help me,” I cried again. He smiled; it was that charming, disarming smile I had known to associate with Daddy, and for that moment I smiled back.
“You should have told me you were pregnant sweetheart,” Daddy’s voice sounded strange again. Someone was laughing orwas it cheering? It was all too loud and yet so muffled; maybe it was the sound turned off again. I couldn’t focus.
“I didn’t know,” I strained to push the words out. Every muscle in my throat felt like a thousand bee stings to my neck. I didn’t know if I was crying again, but I was so tired, I could barely look at him anymore.
“You stupid girl, you should have known,” His voice sounded farther away. His hands gripped mine, and the smile was back. I wanted to give up, to sob and cry in his arms, but I was holding something. My head was slower to move now; I didn’t understand why. I blinked, and it felt like I was in slow motion. In my arms was the little thing, the lifeless body.
Mine.
“P-please,” I managed. Another blink and my hands were no longer curled around the thing that was important.What was so important in my hands?Daddy’s hand was under my chin, keeping my head up towards him. Everything felt fuzzy. He smiled at me, and I smiled back as everything went black.
Present day–July 29th
“Someone getthat damn sheet away from her! She’s suffocating!”
It felt nice letting go. I hadn’t realized I was getting so caught up in the moment. I missed the feeling of flying high. The sheet wasn’t even that long, but as I hung upside down on the toppled bed, I finally felt free. My vision had gone black, and the paradise was moments away. I could feel the pull.Give up, your a stupidgirl.I’m trying to give up. My eyebrows pinched together as my lungs screamed for air. My body flushed as it crashed onto the floor. I didn’t wrap the sheet around my neck, I swear it wasn’t me. It was that damned trainer, the one they sent in; he told me lies. Told me I was in the center because Daddy sold me. But that wasn’t right; I was there to learn to be better. I was never good enough; that’s why I had to be taught. At least I will be a good, quiet little girl. There wouldn’t be any questions once I was dead.
“Look at me. Stay with me.” An urgent voice spoke, is that what God sounds like?
I choked, spitting up the pudding they’d fed me earlier, or was it bile? I couldn’t tell. The handcuffs cut into my wrists, and I hoped they bled. At least I would see my favorite color again.Red.
“That’s it, die you stupid bitch. You’ll make the perfect dead fuck for our most delightful customers and once your holes are stretched and rotten they’ll chop you up and serve you on a platter. Just like that kid of yours.” His Russian accent echoed in my head as the sheet wrapped tighter. I clawed at it, desperate to breathe.
My eyes glossed over as the fear settled in my muscles. Everything was now or never, and I landed a kick in his groin. The sheet didn’t feel as tight, and I coughed and spat blood. “You think you’ll break me, you’ve raped me and that’s all your little dick could manage. You didn’t even make me bleed. You’re pathetic.” I spat at his feet.
“Don’t you want to know the truth? The reason you’re in my care now? It’s because someone had to take you. You were bleeding out, you’d just had a miscarriage and you know what? They took it. The little fetus, and barbecued it. Have you ever had a roasted fetus? It’s better than caviar, you know we gut the fish and eat the eggs, the same forbidden flavor. Sure we had the good doctor stitch you up and we could have returnedyou to your dear ole dad but we wanted you. It didn’t take much convincing, he was already sick of your pussy anyways. Don’t you like it here? You breathe, live and fuck as we tell you too, you eat whatever we feed you and you enjoy it.” A sick, twisted smile settled on his face, and I felt like I was going to throw up again.
“Shut up, you’re lying.”
