Page 58 of The Holiday Fakers
“Huh?”
Lola gestures to a glass bowl on a counter filled with them.
“Keychains. I include them free with every purchase. I want all women to understand their own anatomy. The clitoris is an organ that has beenhugelyunderrepresented and misunderstood in medicine, education, and the media for millennia, and I want to change that.”
“I’ve got one!” Erica calls over, jiggling a sparkly pink clitoris in the air to prove her point. “I had no idea they were this big in real life! I’ve got lots of spares and wanted to give them to you and Piper as gifts, but I didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”
Jesus Christ.
Piper makes a noise that’s half wheeze and half strangled cry, and I’m wondering if she’s also thinking of the lube her mom left in the nightstand.
There’s a knock at the door, and an older woman pokes her head into the shop. “I’ve got the calendar. Can I bring it in?”
“Of course, Miriam. Come in. We’re just setting up.”
Miriam wheels in a trolley carrying a large wooden board with the words “Hideaway Harbor Christmas Countdown,” painted in red and green at the top. Attached via hooks is a huge pad of paper, the number sixteen painted on the top sheet.
“Hello, Erica, hello all,” Miriam says, then turns to me. “You must be the famous actor who’s pinched Dorothy’s spot today.”
I cringe. Dorothy is more than welcome to it. I’d rather be anywhere else than here right now.
“I’m sorry, I?—”
She pats my arm. “Not a bother, young man. Lola’s soothing her ruffled feathers with a goodie bag, so we won’t be seeing her for a few days … if you catch my drift?”
Erica laughs loudly, and Mia snorts. Even Piper’s mouth twitches.
Fuck it.I need to embrace this moment. If I resist, then it’s uncomfortable for everyone, and the world will have a field day when they see the photos.
So, I smile at Miriam. “But when we do see Dorothy again, she’s going to have the biggest smile in Hideaway Harbor on her face?”
Miriam hoots and slaps my arm. “That’s the truth. Now, can you give me a hand with the calendar? It’s heavier than it looks.” She glances at Lola. “Where do you want it, honey? On the counter in front of the icons?”
“That would be perfect,” Lola replies, as Marv steps forward and helps me lift the calendar off the trolley and into place, unfolding a wooden brace hidden behind it to prop it upright.
Erica takes out her phone and snaps a picture. “Doesn’t that look good?”
“I’m just going to get the glögg,” Lola says. “And the raffle tickets. Erica, can you give me a hand?”
“I can help,” Cara says.
Mia puts her camera down. “Me too.”
Miriam joins them as they follow Lola out the back, leaving me, Piper, and Marv.
“Bro,” Marv says under his breath, “I had no freaking clue about this.”
“It’s okay,” I reply. “Honestly, it shows I don’t take myself that seriously, which is the message I want out there. And if you want me in the media, this is more likely to get me there than an appearance at a cupcake shop or Mom and Pop store.”
Marv frowns. “But this … a fuckingdildoshop?” He glances at Piper. “Sorry.”
What the hell have I dragged her into?
“You okay with this?” I ask her. “You can leave if you want.”
She smiles, and it’s like pop rocks are going off in my stomach.
“I’ve decided to lean into it,” she says. “Pretend I’m totally cool with my mom shopping here more times than she’s had kids. Remind me to murder Mia, though, for not giving us the heads up.”
