Page 123 of Christmas off Script
The caveman side of Leo wanted to yell at them all to fuck off, kiss Ella till her knees turned to jelly, then carry her out of the pub back to his bed. But he knew he couldn’t. Was he the stop-gap? The rebound fling? The only way to forget Oliver? And would she fall back in love with Zach now he’d apologised? Or fall for his surf-dude younger brother?
‘What are the six white boomers?’ Derek asked, derailing Leo’s train of thought. ‘A Norwegian folk group famous for singing traditional Scandinavian Christmas songs, Kangaroos who pull Santa’s sleigh in Australia, or a group of six elderly men in Florida who celebrate Christmas every day?’
Leo glanced at Ella, seeing his panic reflected back at him. He had no idea what the answer was.
Kurt leaned forward. ‘It’s the kangaroos’, he whispered.
‘Are you sure?’ Ella whispered back. ‘Kangaroos aren’t white.’
‘And it’s traditionally nine reindeer,’ Leo added. ‘Why kangaroos? And why six?’
Kurt shrugged. ‘I dunno. There’s just this silly song about six white kangaroos pulling his sleigh when he visits Australia.’
‘What do you want to do?’ Ella asked Leo.
He pulled a face. ‘Your call.’
She nodded, then wrote ‘kangaroos’.
Despite her being right to trust Kurt, Leo had a sour taste in his mouth. How bad would it be if they won thanks to him? Visions of Kurt giving Ella a congratulatory kiss made his hands form into fists. This was meant to be the highlight of the year, but all he could think about was Ella choosing to be with someone other than him.
‘In which country do people leave beer for Santa?’ Clive asked.
‘Australia,’ Kurt whispered.
‘It can’t be,’ Leo replied testily.
‘Why not?’
‘There can’t be two questions in a row about Australia.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because… I don’t know. There just can’t.’
‘I don’t know the answer,’ Ella fretted. ‘What should I put? Australia sounds like a good guess.’
Leo nodded, irritation growing like a prickly cactus in his stomach as Ella wrote the word ‘Australia’.
‘Which country invented the culinary experience known as a White Christmas?’ Derek asked.
‘For fuck’s sake,’ Leo muttered.
‘We don’t know any of these questions,’ Ella hissed. ‘Could it be America? They invented the song.’
‘Is it a drink? Like a White Russian?’
Kurt leaned forward. ‘The answer’s Australia.’
Leo resisted the urge to roll his eyes. ‘Seriously?’
‘A White Christmas is a snack made with Rice Krispies, desiccated coconut, and dried fruit.’
‘How do you know that?’
‘Because I’ve lived in Oz for the last eight years?’
The cactus in Leo’s belly was now doing the cancan. Right now he’d take losing the quiz with Ella over winning it thanks to her latest admirer.
