Page 24 of Christmas off Script
‘Which bath are you planning on using?’ Dervla asked mildly.
‘The two-person jacuzzi in Henry’s bathroom. It’s bally huge, and I thought the bubbles would help aerate the water.’
Dervla nodded, seeming satisfied. However, her children and mother-in-law were not.
‘Have you told Henry and Libby?’ Connor asked.
‘Why would I need to? They’re living at the cottage now.’
‘What about Mom?’ Willow added.
Arthur pulled a face. ‘I’m not quite sure what Vivi will make of the idea.’ He turned to his other wife. ‘Deedee darling?’
‘I’ll speak to her. It is organic, after all. And if you fish Clarence out of the lake at the right phase of the moon, he’ll be biodynamic as well. I know Vivi’s not that keen on fish, so I’ll ask her what she thinks when I speak to her later.’
Willow made a sound of frustration, then gazed across Connor at her mother. ‘Mammy, please. Just no!’
‘I agree with Willow,’ Gram-Gram said. ‘It’s a preposterous idea.’
Arthur raised his knife and fork in the air. ‘But it’s traditional!’
‘So is a burnt sheep’s head in Norway and Mopane caterpillars in South Africa, but it doesn’t mean we have to eat them here,’ Leo said.
‘Humph,’ Arthur replied. ‘You’re no fun.’ He turned to Ella. ‘I’ve also had some more ideas about the costumes Steve and I should wear for the panto.’
Alarms went off inside Ella. She was in charge of scenery painting and helping Willow with the costumes for the pantomime dame. But this year there were two dames to fit. The decision had been made not to have a wicked stepmother, just two ugly sisters, with Jan Perry’s husband, Steve, playing one, and Arthur the other. Arthur had been playing the role of dame for as long as there had been a pantomime at Foxbrooke, and each year his ideas for costumes got more outlandish.
‘I did an interweb search for ugly sister costumes and found some topping ideas,’ Arthur began.
‘But, Dad,’ Leo replied, ‘those are professional pantos with a much bigger budget and full-time staff. Ella’s teaching almost up to Christmas and doesn’t have time.’
Arthur’s brow knitted with worry as he gazed at her. ‘That’s true. But I can do most of the work?’
‘Why don’t you tell me your ideas, and I’ll see if we have time to make them happen,’ Ella said. ‘I might be able to get some of the sixth-formers to help.’
‘Could you? That would be splendid!’ Arthur dropped his cutlery and leaned forward. ‘I was thinking of Clarence at the time, and thought it would be bally amusing if I was dressed as a massive fish for one scene, and Steve was a chip!’
Ella’s mind whirled as she wondered how they might make the outfits.
‘For our initial entrance, I want us to be dressed in Harajuku street style. Steve in bright pinks and yellows like a unicorn, and me as a goth, whilst “Here Come the Girls” plays.’
‘O-kay…’
‘Then, for the forest scene where we meet Dandini, I thought I could be a ham sandwich and Steve could be a scone.’
Ella’s brain was in overdrive, her circuits moving so fast she feared they would melt.
‘I fancy using my regency wig for the palace ball scene,’ he continued. ‘So maybe those costumes could be Jane Austen meets Madonna. And we can reuse the schoolgirl outfits from a few years ago for the second kitchen scene. For the finale, I want to be a glitter ball and Steve to be a traffic light.’
Dear god. Ella cleared her throat. ‘I’m not an electrician—’
‘Scott is! You can chat about it with him tomorrow. Steve also had some ideas, but his are plain daft.’
Leo snorted beside her.
‘And whatarehis ideas?’ Ella asked, hoping for something a little more straightforward.
‘Darth Vader and Princess Leia.’
