Page 62 of An Unholy Affair
‘God working in mysterious ways?’
‘Exactly. But the first time he ever spoke to me, it was utterly life changing.’
Jack leaned forward. ‘What happened?’
‘It requires a bit of backstory, if you don’t mind listening to it?’
He quickly shook his head. ‘Not at all.’
Eveline cast her mind back to her late teens and twenties—a life that was so very different from the one she lived now. Back then, she’d been a social butterfly. Now she looked back at that period as if she was still in a cocoon, being formed to fly for real in the life she was now living.
‘I didn’t go to university either. I was quite unhappy growing up and wanted freedom and the chance to be an adult, rather than staying in education. With hindsight, I know I was lost in so many ways. But at the time, it felt like I was finally building a life for myself. I got a fast-paced job in recruitment and absolutely loved it. I had a company car, fancy clothes, and a social life.’
Eveline smiled as she remembered those days. Despite what happened later, she had happy memories as well as sad ones.
Jack was still as he listened and she was reminded of the previous day when he’d been at the centre of a gaggle of grey heads. He’d been such an active listener. Someone who actually allowed another person to speak, without simply waiting for the opportunity to interrupt them.
‘One of my colleagues was my best friend. Her name was Gracie, and she was a year older than me. The hours were long, but it was a sociable job, with lots of bar lunches and late nights with clients. We bounced between the office, bars and nightclubs, working and partying as if we were invincible and life was for living.’
The pain in her chest when talking about Gracie was powerful, despite how long ago it was. The grief she dealt with internally always became more acute when vocalised, as if it polished up the memories and brought them into the light.
‘Gracie and I encouraged each other and never wanted to be the first one to call it a night. It was as if we were afraid to stop and question anything we were doing in case the wheels came off the party bus and we crashed and burned.’
She gazed at him, willing him to understand that she could see in him the same suffering she’d ignored until it was too late.
‘I was so caught up in this crazy life I’d created, I never noticed the signs that Gracie was struggling. She was drinking as much as I was, so nothing seemed different. Of course, looking back, it was clear she was on the edge, but I didn’t see it in time.’
She took a deep breath, determined to get through this without tears. ‘One Saturday night, Gracie had been messaging me non-stop, wanting to meet up. But I was with a boyfriend and didn’t get back to her until Sunday. When she didn’t return my calls, I went to her flat and found her.’
Eveline tried to swallow back the memories, but they filled her throat. Jack reached across the table and took her hand in both of his.
She sniffed. ‘I’m okay. It’s just I haven’t talked about this for many years now.’
‘I’m here.’
She smiled at him, her tears making light sparkle around him like a halo. ‘Thank you.’
His warm grip assured her she could tell him anything and he wouldn’t judge or criticise.
‘I’ll never know if Gracie meant to take her own life, or if it was an accident. But I felt entirely to blame. I fell into a deep depression and drank even more heavily. I became scared of everything until one day I couldn’t even leave my flat. Lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling, I asked myself if this was my life now? And would I be better off not here at all?’
His hands tightened ever so slightly around hers.
‘In that moment, God came to me and I was filled with overwhelming love. He gave me the knowledge that I was loved beyond all comprehension and that I was not alone. This life was only the start, and Jesus had come down to earth to help us understand this truth. The experience lasted for hours. And when it faded, God stayed in my heart.’
‘What did you do then?’ he asked, his voice soft.
‘I had a shower, left the flat and went into the first church I found. I’d asked God to show me what I should do, and he delivered with perfect timing. An AA meeting was about to start, so I joined it and started the twelve-step programme.’
‘So… You’re…’
‘I’m an alcoholic.’And I’m worried you are too. ‘I haven’t had a drink in thirteen years, but I don’t want to use the word “was” because there’s still the possibility I could lapse.’
Jack pulled his hands away from hers. ‘But you only drank for a—what? Three, four yearsmax?’
Eveline nodded.
‘Have you ever felt the urge to drink after that moment?’
