Page 111 of An Unholy Affair
‘Honestly, Em, it’s fine. Most is in hand, but I could do with being back at least four days before to help decorate.’
Emily took Alfie off her breast and laid him over her shoulder. ‘I’m feeling tons better and Steph has pretty much finished sorting out her twat of a client. We’ll be fine, I promise.’
Relief poured through him. ‘Thank you.’
She smiled. ‘I know you don’t want a family, but I wish you could find someone to share your life with. Someone who makes you as happy as I am with Steph.’
The invisible cord that seemed to connect Jack perpetually to Eveline tugged on his heart. He wanted her with every part of him, but could he ever give her whatshewanted?
He stared at Alfie, crumpled up over his sister’s shoulder. ‘How did you do it?’
‘Make him? Do you need a biology lesson?’
The corners of his mouth twitched, and he got up to close the living room door. ‘No, I mean, how did you get over what our upbringing was like? How did you trust yourself not to fuck it up?’
Emily sighed, her face creasing with compassion. She held her son out to him. ‘Go on, take him.’
‘What?’
‘Come on, you held Betsy when she was a baby. It’s not rocket science. Just make sure his head is supported.’
Jack took Alfie from her, cradling him in his arms. His eyes opened—deep dark holes into his little baby soul, then closed as he fell back to sleep. Jack stared at him, feeling again a sense of helplessness. How could you protect something so perfect and so fragile, both from the world and from yourself?
‘Jack, I had it way easier than you when we were growing up. I could keep my head down, my mouth shut, and plan a future that was far away from Foxbrooke. I always wanted to be a mum, and by the time I reached my teens, it didn’t seem to matter that our parents were shitty role models.’
He glanced up, surprised.
‘Honestly, it was mostly irrelevant. I spent so much time in my head, thinking about who I was and what I wanted. And the knowledge I was gay solidified everything, because I knew my forever home would never be anywhere near Dad. If anything, how they were with us crystallised how I was going to be a mum. I just do the opposite of whatever they did.’
Jack stroked the softness of Alfie’s head. ‘I don’t know if I could trust myself.’
‘Bollocks. You’re the best of men, Jack. You protected me when I was a child and I know you’d look after and love your own kids the same way. You’re just scared, that’s all, and waiting for the right person. When she comes along, you’ll know.’
Jack: We’re coming back to Foxbrooke today. Not sure when. Can I see you when I get back? XXX
Eveline: Yes!!! Come over whenever you can. You’ve got a key, so let yourself in if I’m not at home. Can’t wait to see you! xxx
Cruising south on the motorway,Patricia fell asleep and Jack mulled over his sister’s words. Emily had always seemed so sure of herself and what she wanted, whereas he’d just run away from everything. Foxbrooke, family, friends, a girlfriend, societal expectations and a normal career. He’d avoided all of it, creating a secret life in the shadows.
Eveline was the complete opposite. Living a public and spiritual path, she was the brightness of sunshine through rain, turning every droplet into a rainbow and washing everything clean. But no matter what she thought of him and how he tried to convince himself he was worthy of her, the fear still remained that his past would somehow sully her life.
His mother continued sleepingas the car ate up the miles, so Jack didn’t stop, pressing on until they reached Foxbrooke and the family home. He dumped his bags, had a quick shower, then headed straight for the rectory, his heart matching the speed of his step. It was mid-afternoon, so still light, the sky a cold blue and the low autumn sun sending slivers of gold through the bare branches of the trees.
Outside the back door, he hesitated. Should he knock? Was she even home? He opened it and paused, listening to the sound of Eveline humming to herself from the kitchen. His stomach turned over with excitement, sending butterflies scattering. Closing the door firmly behind him, he locked it.
The humming stopped.
Striding forward, he pushed the kitchen door open. Eveline was at the sink, her hands in a pair of yellow rubber gloves, her hair piled up in a messy bun at the top of her head.
Jack gazed at her, watching surprise, excitement, joy and desire flit across her features. None of his memories or fantasies of her had been accurate. They were pale imitations of the vibrant woman in front of him. He raked his eyes down her body, his mouth watering with anticipation.
The colour heightened in her cheeks. ‘Jack! I—’
He held a hand up and she stopped, her mouth still open as she breathed.
Eveline went to take off her gloves, and Jack shook his head. She swallowed, her eyes wide, and replaced her hands on the edge of the porcelain sink.
Nodding his approval, he closed the distance between them, standing behind her but not allowing their bodies to touch. A wild pulse was jumping at the base of her neck. He brushed his lips over it and her breathing hitched.
