Page 166 of Love ad Lib
‘Ritchie’s your husband. Henry’s just…’
‘Your fuck buddy?’
‘Jesus, Claire, no!’
‘You know what I think, Libby?’
‘No, but I’m about to find out,’ she replied morosely.
‘You don’t like not being in control.’
‘Come again?’
‘You’re quite happy to be in love with Lucas for years, because deep down, in your heart of hearts, you knew it was never going to happen.’
‘That’s not true.’
‘It bloody well is. Unrequited love is safe because only a small amount of your heart is at stake. Remember, before you met Lucas, who you were in love with?’
She stared at the floor, refusing to give Claire an answer.
‘Kyle. Gorgeous, funny and so gay he never even kissed a girl to experiment when he was a teenager. Again, completely and utterly safe because nothing was ever going to fucking happen!’
Libby didn’t want to acknowledge a word Claire was saying, because her gut said she was probably right.
‘Giving all your money to Lucas was also about you being in control. It meant he owed you. Even if he never ended up as your boyfriend, you would always have a special relationship with him that no-one else could have. But with Henry, it’s different. He actually wants you back. So, it’s now too scary for you to handle. You only feel safe in your love life when you are in control, and loving Henry isn’t safe because you’ve given him the whole of your heart. You know, Libby, you’re fearless on stage. But in your love life, you’re meeker than a mouse.’
Claire sat back and closed her eyes. She looked completely exhausted.
‘Can I get you anything?’ Libby asked.
Claire shook her head. ‘I know this insecurity comes from what happened with Giles,’ she said, her eyes still closed. ‘He was a posh twat who didn’t think you were good enough and thought he could mould you into his mother. Henry’s not like that. He loves you, Libby, and he wants you to be happy.’
‘You don’t know that.’
‘Yes, I do. He told me.’
‘What? When?’
Claire opened her eyes and sighed.
‘He wanted to talk to me to find out how he could help you without pissing you off. Apparently, you’d refused his help to get workshop gigs in the City.’
Libby stood, furious that once again the people closest to her were going behind her back.
‘Did you know he was paying me to stay in Jack’s flat?’
‘No, but I told him you’d given all your money to Lucas.’
‘Why?’
‘Because he was convinced you were still in love with that twat, and he also needed to know you were in serious financial shit.’
Libby threw her arms in the air. ‘Anything else I don’t know?’
‘Yes,’ Claire replied. ‘I’m pregnant again.’
* * *
