Page 57 of Wedding Games
Everyone was silent as they waited.
Charlie sighed. ‘What he did for our unit, that dark night in Afghanistan will stay with us forever. It means more than words.’
An acoustic guitar began to play and Zoe’s head shot towards Jamie. He grinned at her and stood next to Charlie, playing the start of ‘More than Words’ by Extreme.
Rory lowered his head with an audible groan.
‘Yes, ladies and gentlemen,’ Charlie said over Jamie’s playing. ‘That night we were introduced to the terrifying sound of Rory singing. Banned by the Geneva Conventions and illegal in eighty-four countries across the globe. His voice can sour milk at a hundred paces and is guaranteed to make your ears bleed.’
Jamie played a little louder and Charlie started singing.
His voice was incredible. He sang as if he’d been brought up in heaven and taught to sing by the angel Gabriel himself.
‘Holy shit,’ Zoe whispered.
Charlie held out a second microphone to Rory. ‘Make it real, mate,’ he said. ‘Don’t tear my heart in two.’
Zoe got off Rory’s lap and he stood, like a reluctant mountain. Everyone went wild, cheering and whistling.
He took the mic and stared at her. ‘You’re married to me now. Please don’t ask for an annulment.’
She giggled. ‘How bad can it be?’
He gave her a look and took his place next to Charlie.
The room fell silent again, the only sound coming from Jamie’s guitar as he played the opening riff.
Rory opened his mouth and began to sing.
Zoe’s jaw dropped as everyone at their table apart from Charlie winced. Rory’s singing voice wasn’t just bad, it was a destroyer of worlds.
If a cat screeched into a microphone whilst running its claws down a blackboard, the sound would still be a soothing lullaby compared to the noises currently coming out of Rory’s mouth. It was clear he was trying to find the right notes, but he had the precision of a drunk wrecking ball, and less ability to sustain a pitch than a teenage boy whose voice was breaking.
Charlie attempted to harmonise with him, but the dissonance created a sonic weapon, melting Zoe’s brain and making her teeth vibrate. Sam, Fiona, Valentina, and Duncan had their hands over their ears, and Jamie, who couldn’t follow suit as he was still playing the guitar, looked green.
The only people who seemed to be enjoying the experience were Charlie and Rory. Charlie had an expression of unbridled joy on his face, and Rory looked as if he’d ceased to give a fuck and was leaning into his own vocal incapability.
Eventually the song finished, and Zoe breathed a sigh of relief.
‘Ladies and gentlemen,’ Charlie cried. ‘If you still possess motor function, let’s hear it for the bride and groom!’
After the meal, the tables were cleared and the room was set up for the ceilidh. Now that the formal parts of the day were over, Zoe felt she’d earned the right to kick back and relax with Rory and her friends. For a man who traditionally didn’t smile much, her new husband looked as if he wasn’t going to stop any time soon.
‘Happy?’ she asked him.
He pulled her closer into his side. ‘Ecstatic,’ he replied. ‘But please, never ask me to sing again.’
She shuddered. ‘I won’t. Have I finally found something you’re not good at?’
‘There’s a long list but you’re not getting it. I want to keep up the illusion that I’m your perfect man,’ he replied.
She reached up and kissed him. ‘It’s no illusion.’
‘Oi!’ said Sam, interrupting them. ‘Plenty of time for that later. When are you throwing the bouquet?’
The band were tuning up and people were milling around the floor waiting for the dancing to start.
Zoe shrugged. ‘Now?’
