Page 32 of Wedding Games
‘You’ll love this one, I promise,’ Fiona laughed, before looking crossly at her phone. ‘If he ever bloody turns up that is.’
‘There are some men in kilts on the other side of the room,’ said Valentina. ‘We can get a photo of you with them.’
In the restaurant, Sam had laid out the rules of a special scavenger hunt for Zoe’s hen do. By the end of the night, she had to have a photo with a policeman, a doorman, a bald man, a barman, a man in a kilt, and a stripper. So far, she was missing the policeman, a man in a kilt and the stripper. She also had to swap clothes with someone, get a piggy back from a man she didn’t know, and have a wee in the men’s toilets.
‘Amazing idea, Deirdre,’ said Sam, taking hold of Zoe’s hand. ‘Let’s do this.’
The group of lads were big and brimming with alcohol induced confidence but went quiet as the four women approached. Zoe and her friends may have been extremely unsteady on their feet, but they were beautiful and had at least a decade more sexual and life experience than the men in front of them.
‘Right,’ said Sam, taking charge. ‘It’s my best friend’s hen night and—’
Two of the men started taking their clothes off.
‘Stop!’ yelled Zoe.
‘You don’t want to see our dicks?’ one asked, looking put out.
Valentina and Fiona propped each other up, howling with laughter.
‘No!’ repeated Zoe.
‘We want some photos,’ said Sam.
‘Of our dicks?’ the man asked, hopefully, his hand on his kilt.
Sam huffed. ‘No.’
‘What’s wrong with your nose?’ he asked.
‘Fuck’s sake!’ Sam turned away and Valentina rushed to fix her nasal malfunction.
‘I need a photo with a man in a kilt,’ said Zoe. ‘And I need to swap clothes with one of you as well.’
The biggest man stepped forwards, pushing the others back. ‘You need the captain for this job.’
‘Captain?’
‘Of the rugby team. I’m Josh.’
In addition to a kilt, Josh was wearing a massive fake orange moustache and a t-shirt with a cartoon of a cockerel on it. Above the bird was written: ‘Be Kind to Animals. Stroke my Cock’.
Zoe looked between him and her, trying to work out how her bodycon dress would fit over his bulk.
‘Don’t worry,’ Fiona yelled. ‘It’s Lycra.’
The men started chanting. ‘Off! Off! Off! Off!’
Josh needed no encouragement, losing his t-shirt and kilt in seconds.
Zoe shrieked and closed her eyes, but not before the image of Josh’s meat and two veg was seared into her skull.
‘Off! Off! Off! Off!’ the men continued, now directing their attention to her.
Zoe needed this done quickly. Josh was now swinging his dick in a circle whilst making helicopter noises. The last thing she wanted was to get kicked out by the bouncers.
Sam, Valentina, and Fiona made a barrier by the wall and she shimmied out of her dress, putting Josh’s t-shirt and kilt on. Sam slapped the moustache on her.
Beyonce’s ‘All the Single Ladies’ came on and a cheer went around the club.
