Page 107 of Musical Games
‘Yes. I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t be daft, I just wish you’d told me. You know you can tell me anything.’
‘I know. I just felt like such a dick. This has been my dream forever, but it doesn’t feel right.’
‘So whatdoesfeel right? When were you last really happy?’
‘At the ceilidh.’
‘And what made that so good?’
‘It was the culmination of everything we’d created together. Better than the concert, because at the ceilidh we knew people liked our music so we could just belt it out. Standing on stage, seeing everyone’s faces, seeing you so happy, it was perfect. And we’d also just had sex. Jesus, Zoe, it was mind-blowing. He’s the fucking god of sex.’
Zoe shrieked with laughter. ‘I’ll never be able to speak to him again now! It’s bad enough with Morag winking at me every time she talks aboutBigJim.’
Sam giggled, but she felt empty. She missed everyone in Kinloch, but most of all, she missed Jamie.
‘Zo, I’ve really fucked up.’
‘Then come home. Speak to Jamie.’
‘I can’t. I’m still trying to write music with Th. And if I leave—’
‘Th?’
‘Yeah, Th. He says it’s meant to evoke the sound of wind across water.’
Zoe snorted. ‘This is priceless. I can’t wait to tell Rory.’
‘Brad’s given me this opportunity and if I leave now, I’ll blow it. And anyway, I don’t know if Jamie wants anything to do with me.’
‘You need to ask yourself what’s more important,’ replied Zoe. ‘Making music with Little Drip to stay in Brad’s good books, or giving you and Jamie a chance?’
29
Jamie had read hundreds of his sister’s romance novels, but they offered no appropriate solutions to winning Sam’s heart. The only thing he knew for sure was that when they sang their songs, the universe came into alignment and everything was right with the world. He decided he would finish writing one of the songs they'd started but never completed, record it, then send it to wherever she was in LA. He didn’t want to show up and put her under any pressure. He would simply declare his love from afar, then give her the space to decide what she wanted to do with that information.
It felt strange to be writing on his own again. He needed a sounding board, but there was no way he was going to sing the song to his sister, or even worse, his mother and Big Jim. Clive, the owner of The King’s Arms, was pestering him to perform again, so Jamie figured if he could work up the guts to play for a packed pub and they liked the new song, then there was nothing stopping him sending it to Sam.
Setting up in the pub, he felt the same anxiety and nerves fluttering up as before, but this time he knew how to deal with them. He focused on the breathing exercise Sam had taught him, the guitar in his hands, his fingers on the strings. Clive had put him in the main bar as there were so many people who wanted to listen.
With Duncan away working on the rigs, his sister was at home with Liam and his mum was spending the night at Big Jim’s. It was odd not having one of them there, but he knew he had to get used to that. Even if his plan didn’t work and Sam didn’t want him, it was time to spread his wings and leave Kinloch.
He tapped on the microphone to get everyone’s attention, heat spreading up his neck.
‘Hello everyone, thanks for coming.’
The room broke into applause, fanning the flames that burned his cheeks.
‘I’m Jamie, and I’m going to be singing you a few songs tonight. Some you might know if you’ve heard me play before, but one is brand new. Not even my mum has heard it.’
A few people laughed and whooped.
He strummed the guitar. ‘I’m going to start at the beginning with a song I wrote a couple of years ago. This one’s called “Call to Me”.’
He closed his eyes and sang the songs he’d written on his own, the songs he’d played to Zoe, then Brad. They were so familiar, yet seemed to belong to a different version of himself. In just a few months he’d become someone he never thought he’d be, and rather than being scared, he was excited.
When he got to the end of his first set, he took a sip of water as the applause rang around the room. He smiled, realising that he was actually enjoying himself.
