Page 74 of Christmas Chaos
17
BAX
Traffic is, of course, not on my side. Ingrid and David got all the shopping and wrapping done and are taking the presents to wherever the hell we’re sleeping tonight. I know we’ll probably end up in Santa Rosa or Napa at a Hampton Inn or something. Anything will be fine because we’ll be together. Shit. We need at least two beds.
I’m sitting about twenty minutes from San Jose. And have been for about an hour now. Fuck me, I have to be in Oakland, like now. There’s no way. This has turned into a shitshow.
“Siri, call Elle.”
“What’s up, Big Poppa!”
“Don’t call me that.”
“Gonna keep doing it.”
“I need more beds.” I grip the steering wheel as I say it. I can’t even wrap my head around all of this. “Holy shit! Elle. We need more beds. Like solid real beds for boys.”
She says, “I know.”
“Of course, you do. I just wanted to make it clear that whatever you’re putting together included all of us.”
“Calm down. But shouldn’t you be in Oakland? It’s happening now. Do you know that?”
“Yes, but I’m still stuck in traffic, and I don’t have the boys and Tabi will never forgive me for missing this.”
“And that’s what makes you Big Poppa. It’s often a choice between two things that you feel might be letting someone down. Welcome to parenthood.”
“It’s good though, right?”
“The best. Pregnancy is the fucking worst. But you don’t have to do that.”
“I’m freaking the fuck out. I am going to have three children by the end of the day. And Tabi’s going to kill me for not being with her because California traffic is going to cause me to miss it all. I’m honest to God going to end up divorced and be a weekend dad because of fucking urban planning and the ever-expanding population of the Bear Flag state.”
“Breathe.”
“WE can’t do that here.” The car inches forward and I bang on the wheel. “Because the air quality is shit. We have enough money and no more room. Go to Oklahoma people! Stop coming to California! STOP. We’re full!”
I’m spinning out of control, and the only person who ever grounds me or who can stop this spiral is the one person I can’t talk to right now because she’s spinning out as well. Good lord, I’m codependent.
“We got you. We all do. Go get the newest members of our merry band, no matter how long it takes. They need you, and you’re doing the right thing. Tabi will understand. She won’t be angry at the end of the day.”
There’s silence on the phone and I relax a touch as the car moves forward.
“Elle, I don’t want to bring the boys back to a hotel. Can we move some shit around with my dad? Get the future maybe-in-laws to leave? What’s happening at your guest house?”
“Rented. And it’s Christmas, Bax. We can’t kick them out but I have an idea.”
“Make it a good one.”
“It is.”
“Thanks. Talk to you later.”
I roll my window down and let go of the last of the freaking out rage, “MOOOOOOVVVVE. FUCKING MOOOOOVE!”
“Hello,I’m Baxter Schroeder. I had an appointment two hours ago.”
I put my hands in my pockets and roam around while a woman in a window disappears. I have my bag full of documents and my confidence is waning.
