Page 68 of Christmas Chaos
Sam folds his arms and David takes a stance that says they’re not going to do shit. This is their favorite. It’s my favorite too, just being out here in the vines. With the quiet. It’s the only time my head settles or feels even remotely normal. I know they feel the same. And they love being with the sheep. The owners of the flock actually trust them enough to take a break. They drop them off and come back for them. Sam’s dogs are running everywhere, and the sheep ignore them.
My phone dings a text.
Sonoma Medical: Your appointment began five minutes ago. Please call the desk if cancelling.
I point to Sam. He shakes his head no. This is the new asshole Sam.
“Don’t make me take you to task there late blooming player. You. Get your ass in gear and get to the tasting room.”
He turns away. I don’t want to tell them but he’s pissing me off.
“Do it,” I yell.
David chuckles. “I’ll do it,” he says and begins to walk.
Sam stops him and yells at me, “No. You get your ass back there. You signed up for this shift and we’re all fucking busy. We’re going to have to pick up your slack soon enough. Handle it.”
That’s not Sam. His pain has morphed into assholery. “Damn, I hope the real Sam comes home for Christmas. Are you hungry, muthafucker? Is that what’s making you so cranky? I have something I can’t miss.”
David flips Sam off and joins me.
Sam yells, “You have a thing later, Bee. The baby is later. Right now, you have nothing.”
I round on him and let loose again. Fuck it. My hand reflexively goes to my stomach. “Or I have a fucking ultrasound to make sure that there’s a heartbeat, so I can be twice a mother today. Blessed be, asshole.” I catch a glimpse of Sam’s face turn pale as I turn and run back to the car. I did not want to do that. I wanted to keep it for just Bax. “And don’t fucking tell a fucking soul, you asshole, piece-of-shit, lousy secret keeper. If you do one cocksucking thing right today that’s not being a prick, do that.”
I’m almost to the car, David quick on my heels. He catches me easily and flips me towards him. His strong arms pull me to him, and he kisses the top of my head and squeezes me tight.
My voice wobbles, “What if there isn’t one?”
His voice is low and strong, “There will be.”
“What if it’s not true? What if I miscarry again?”
“It is and you won’t. And if there isn’t and you don’t, who fucking cares. You’re Tabi Aganos, you’re afraid of nothing.”
“How do you know?”
“Because this is super fucked up that you finally get a kid to adopt and now, you’re pregnant. It’s too insane to not be true. It’s just too Tabi. All or nothing.” He squeezes me closer, and I stop myself from crying. Sam is about a foot away when I break from David.
He looks down at his feet and rubs his chin where his beard used to be. His voice is low. His hand is on my back then he pulls me to him. “We got all this, my sister. I’m sorry. I’m not sure who I’m supposed to be lately.”
I squeeze him tighter and he kisses the top of my head.
“Don’t tell Bax!” Sam’s the worst fucking secret keeper. I’m an idiot to tell him. “In fact, stay away from him. And all people today.”
“I got you, Tab. I’m also a little afraid of hormonal Tabi, so I promise to avoid Bax. Love you, Bee.”
I’m at a red light and I can’t help myself.
TABI: I might be knocked up.
RORY: In addition to the other kid.
TABI: Yes.
RORY: Why are you so extra? Americans—do you do anything small and quiet?
TABI: I don’t.
RORY: This I know.
TABI: I’m on my way to confirm it all.
RORY: Then by all means please keep texting me. Drive, you daft woman. Drive. We need answers.
I toss my phone and speed like hell to get to my appointment, grateful my friends and the grump across the pond are all pulling for me. It can’t hurt to have more people putting positive vibes into this.
