Page 61 of Christmas Chaos
14
BAX
Iwake up to the jarring sight of Becca Gelbert with her legs crossed, sipping a cup of coffee, and staring at me.
“Good. You’re awake.”
“And you’re intrusive.” She’s not great with social cues but a hell of a lawyer. She always seems a bit pinched and grumpy. She was born to be older, wears it like a badge. She and David were set up by genetics to be each other’s foil. He’s a bit more laid back.
“Be that as it may, but as of tonight you won’t be able to sleep in, so get that under your hat.”
I sit up and scrub my face with my hands. “Tab. Tabi, Becca needs to be official with us.”
She doesn’t move or open her eyes as she says, “I know, I hear her.”
Becca’s voice is stressed and pinched. “And you’re probably going to have to be a little bit more motivated to have a baby than what I’m seeing here.”
I stretch and my whole body aches like I was in a car crash. Jesus. I stand and groan.
Tabi mutters, “I feel like every part of me is angry.”
Elle flutters in, in a fitted-bodice, silk, highly beaded gown with a slight train and intricate lace work on her sleeves and back. She’s paired it with pink bunny slippers. Becca doesn’t flinch. Not much rattles her.
I turn towards Elle and ask, “How many?”
“Well, since I was prepared to get married four different times, there are eight dresses.” She places a bottle of Advil and two bottles of water on a table between Tabi and me.
Tabi says, “I won’t be able to open that. I won’t be able to hold things or walk or blink for like a year.” I laugh and grab her four tablets and shove them in her mouth. She has the magical ability to swallow pills without water. She gulps them down, then stares at Elle. She says, “Will you marry me?”
I laugh.
“Not while I’m pregnant.”
I look to Elle. “Why do you have eight dresses?”
“Ceremony and reception. And this one…” She turns in a tight circle, and it swishes like a bell. “This one kills me. It’s haute couture Monique Lhuillier, it’s the newest one. We were going to surprise you all and have a wedding, but you know, his super fucking sperm busted through his vasectomy to produce another life sucking demon spawn inside of me. Who I will hate with a firey passion of a thousand suns until I see its, hopefully, male, face.”
“Holy shit,” Becca says. I guess she can get rattled.
She’s not a good pregnant person. It actually gets funnier each time.
Becca re-crosses her legs. “That’s wonderful, Elle but there are more pressing issues than your attire.” She looks back at us. “I was informed of what was going on. And you should know they condemned your house this morning.”
“I’m curious why my parents aren’t here,” Tab says. Her parents, well hell, all our parents are in way too much of our lives, and Costas and Goldie have been ready for grandkids since Tabi went to college.
“They are. I made them wait in the car,” Becca replies.
Tabi rolls off the couch onto the floor and stays there, then rolls towards the door across Elle’s floor. Elle laughs and Becca scoffs. I look away, her hijinks not surprising me.
Becca says, “Seriously, you’re going to be a parent?”
We’ve all known each other way too long for that to slide.
I get in her face, and she seems surprised. “You’re fucking kidding, right? She’d do anything to make you laugh. She just rolled across the floor to relieve the immense amount of pressure we’re up against today. Homeless, adopting a baby and figuring the rest of it out in a matter of twenty-four hours. We never question your people skills so why the fuck are you questioning who she is? Take it back.”
She says nothing. Tabi pops up on her feet and smiles at me.
I turn back to Becca, “Whatever you have to say, say it fucking fast and leave. That was your passive aggressive bully bullshit from when we were young.”
