Page 16 of Christmas Chaos
‘I know he’s not as handsome as me, but he’s probably better at looking after you.’
She tried to smile but her lower lip was wobbling.
He wanted to stay but knew he needed to speak to a professional. He kissed the top of her head.
‘I love you, Zoe. It’s going to be okay. I promise.’
Nine weeks+ one
Zoe passed more blood overnight. Rory held her when she managed to nod off, then changed her pad when she woke up. She didn’t want to look at it and he understood. Until they knew for sure what had happened, he wanted her to believe it was all okay. Despite how much he rationalised it, he couldn’t believe there was still a baby there. The midwife had made an appointment for them at EPAU, the Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit, so they set off early that morning for Raigmore hospital.
‘I don’t feel sick anymore,’ she said quietly after they’d been driving for a few minutes.
His hands gripped the steering wheel tighter as he tried to keep his voice calm. ‘That could just be adrenaline?’
‘I don’t know. I just keep waiting to feel like I did yesterday, but I don’t.’
‘Let’s see what they say, eh?’
Tears ran silently down her cheeks. ‘I think it’s clear what they’re going to say.’
He reached over to clasp her hand in his. He had no idea how to make this right, but he was going to die trying.
The waitingroom was filled with miserable-looking couples who avoided eye contact. Rory gave their details to the receptionist, then they waited, Zoe sitting on his lap, her tears wetting the front of his shirt.
‘Mrs MacGinley?’
This was it. Schrodinger’s baby. Their child was there and not there. Both realities existed until confirmed either way. He took her hand and they entered the consulting room.
Inside, Zoe told the nurse and sonographer what happened.
‘Do you know if you passed the embryo?’ the nurse asked.
She shook her head. ‘Not yet.’
‘Okay, we’re going to do a transvaginal ultrasound and see what’s going on, okay?’
She nodded.
‘If you can take your bottoms off, we can take a look.’
The sonographer applied a strip of lube to what looked like a dildo.
What the fuck?
Rory cleared his throat. ‘Erm, is that, er, safe?’
The woman smiled, knowingly. ‘That’s what all the husbands ask. It may be bigger than what you’re used to seeing, but I assure you it’s perfectly safe. And it’s only going in a couple of inches.’
Breathe in, two, three, four, and hold, two, three, four…
He clasped Zoe’s hand as she lay back. This was the moment they confirmed what he already knew.
‘Okay, let’s take a wee look, shall we?’
His heart was thudding inside his chest. Tears ran down the sides of Zoe’s face and he gently wiped them away, feeling them as his own.
‘So, if you look on the screen, you can see your baby there.’
