Page 82 of Christmas Chaos
“Me neither, but here we are.” I look down at the kid and wipe him clean. Then I kiss his little belly and he pees on my face. Kind of gross but a good note for the future. I’ll have to tell Bax not to do this. Or maybe I’ll forget and wait for it to happen to him.
“Also, he just pissed on my face.”
“Black, green goop totally normal. And wash your face.” I move to the sink, then retreat back to him. Fuck. I can’t just leave him on a thing. That’s new. I try and think of others first, especially Bax, but this is other level.
I get a diaper on him, and it looks nothing like it should, but I use some extra tabs off another diaper to make sure it’s all stuck together. I manage to wash my face and neck while still keeping a grip on the kid. He makes a sweet noise, and my heart opens wider than I thought possible.
“Hi. I’m sorry about this day. But I’m pretty glad you won’t remember it. I’m going to fuck up a lot, but never doubt that I love you already.” I kiss his little feet. They’re seriously the best.
A very loud noise is happening all around us. “TAB! We have to go.” It’s an intense whirring sound like a hundred industrial fans just came to life.
I reswaddle the child and put him in his bucket thing. I collect all the stuff, except the diaper, then there’s a big chuchunk noise as something lands on the roof.
I raise my eyebrows to Poppy who’s descending a staircase with headphones in her hand.
She hands one to me with a microphone attached, and a small pair of what appears to be a noise-cancelling device and places it on my son. My son. That’s the first time I thought that. I like it.
We climb the stairs and standing in front of a helicopter with his arms crossed in front of his massive body, is a six-foot-five, dark haired Italian man with questionable morals and connections. I grin at our electric sleigh. He gestures to the two of us.
I speak Italian to him, “Non puoi fare a meno di essere l’eroe, vero fratello?”
“Your Italian’s rusty, but I think you called me a hero and your brother. Now get your ass in the fucking chopper. This is costing me more than your fucking car.”
“The car you forgot to fill with gas?”
Someone lifts Poppy into the copter, then she leans down to get the bucket. I hoist myself in, followed by the man who takes up all the space in almost any room he enters. Even if he wasn’t a mafia don, that power would still radiate from him. He gestures to the pilot and another man.
“This is Frank and Murray.”
“Does that make you gold?”
“Nah, that one’s fucking gold.” He gestures to the baby. “I’m just a wise guy with some money who’s taking you back to the fucking manger.”
We all strap in, and the bucket wobbles a bit. Sal takes the baby out and gestures to me, and I smile and nod to him. He cuddles him close in his Buick-bumper-sized biceps. He has lots of nieces and nephews, but I had a suspicion he’d be a natural. I settle back in my seat as the three wise guys return me to Bax.
Sal says, “We need to get you home, my sorellina.” He calls me his little sister. I glare at him, and he laughs.
“Home. That’s funny.” I have no home. Sal winks and Poppy giggles, then curls into his side. She glances up at me and I grin at her. She shrugs and kisses Sal in front of me for the first time. It’s amazing. Everything is amazing. Except my lost phone, lost mind and lost husband. I start to panic and then the baby yawns. Like the tiniest, little mouth opens and does something completely human and adult. I won’t fall apart because he needs me, but if he sneezes, I’m going to lose it. I reach over and touch his tiny cheek. Sal makes to transfer him back to me, but I shake my head no.
“He’s completely comfortable right where he is, let’s not fuck with it.”
Sal’s lip curls up and he says, “Mouth of an Angel.”
“I’m trying.” I shrug.
Poppy reaches over and squeezes my forearm. “You’re succeeding.” Her voice is reedy and positive through my headphones.
I sit back and let all of this wash over me. I look out the window and hope to God wherever the hell we land, Bax is there. Poppy lifts her phone to show me.
POPPY: We’re on our way.
BAX: We’re here and ready.
POPPY: Like fifteen minutes. {PICTURE OF TABI KISSING THE BABY ON THE HEAD.}
BAX: Thank you. I’ll never be able to thank you both enough. Bring me my wife and baby safely, please.
POPPY (TABI): I love you and this baby who has no name. I didn’t pick one. I’m not even thinking of one. I couldn’t. Because I’m waiting. Will you wait for me to do it?
