Page 93 of Kissing Games
‘Charlie,’ she began softly. ‘Before I came to Scotland, everything was clear to me. I knew what I was doing with my life and why. Now everything has changed. I don’t know what I’m going to do next. I don’t even know if I have a career. I need time on my own to process what has happened. I’m so confused and lost right now. I feel like I’m in a washing machine, tumbling about. I can’t think straight. I need to make sense of it. I need to figure out who I am and what I want. You’re just a few steps ahead of me. I’m sorry.’
They sat in silence, their eyes locked on the horizon as they watched the sun rise on their last day together.
31
Valentina wasn’t needed for the final day of shooting, so she spent the morning sleeping, then the afternoon with Shauna, finding out how a personal assistant could help organise her life.
Charlie was with Rory in the great hall, getting it ready for the wrap party that evening. Brad had paid for a bar and a ceilidh band and the whole village had been invited. Had Valentina not met Charlie, she would have been looking forward to it, but now she felt empty and flat. That morning, after watching the sun rise, they’d walked in silence down the side of the mountain. At the castle they’d gone their separate ways. At the time she was too tired to think, too tired to feel. But now, awake, her mind kept churning over his words.
Her two other boyfriends had said they loved her, but it never seemed authentic. It was either said in the throes of passion or when they wanted something from her. Charlie was different. He’d laid his heart out for her and she’d rejected it. Now she was confused and lost. When Alejandro died, she’d experienced grief, but out of it came a purpose. A way of channelling her pain into something positive for her family. Now that dream was dead and she had no purpose left to guide her.
How could she be in a relationship with anyone when she didn’t even know who she was any more? And how would Charlie cope when she did roles like the one she was starting next week? She shuddered, a wave of revulsion rolling through her. She’d never broken a contract and she couldn’t start now. Charlie didn’t understand her world and never would. He’d end up jealous, unhappy and resentful. She couldn’t do that to herself or him. She wanted their time together to remain perfect. A beautifully boxed memory that she could open when she was alone. She’d lived so long without a boyfriend, without a roommate. If she’d survived so far, then she could easily carry a similar life on into the future.
She was sitting on the bed with Shauna, drinking chocolate caliente and talking as Shauna made notes, when there was a knock at the door.
Shauna bounced off the bed and opened it.
‘Hey, Charlie,’ she said brightly. ‘How are you doing?’
Valentina’s stomach lurched and her heart thudded as she looked at him. Every time she saw him, she was blindsided by how much he affected her.
He was frowning at Shauna. ‘I’m sorry, I don’t think we’ve been introduced. You look very similar to a friend of mine. But unlike her, you look like you’ve actually got something to live for.’ Shauna giggled as he stuck out this hand. ‘I’m Charlie, by the way.’
She shook it. ‘Pleased to meet you, Charlie. I’m Shauna’s twin. I’m also called Shauna, but I’m the happy one.’
Charlie smiled. ‘Glad to meet you.’ He looked over her shoulder at Valentina, and his smile slipped fractionally. ‘I was wondering if I could borrow your rucksack for a few minutes?’
She couldn’t speak, so nodded, her heart racing even faster. Shauna gave it to him.
‘Cheers,’ he said. ‘Won’t be long.’
Shauna closed the door behind him and came back to the bed.
Valentina could feel Shauna’s eyes on her so looked down, picking at the bedcovers.
‘He’s so nice,’ said Shauna hesitantly. ‘You and him,’ she began.
Valentina tensed.
‘Have been so kind to me,’ Shauna finished.
Valentina nodded, fighting to push back the tears she was desperate to shed.
‘Okay,’ said Shauna briskly. ‘Let’s move on to email management.’
Fifteen minutes later,Charlie knocked again. He had a quiet conversation with Shauna, passed her the rucksack and left.
Valentina glanced up. She couldn’t see what he’d done to it.
‘Just put it back on the floor, chica,’ she said and looked at her watch. ‘I can’t believe the time. Are you hungry? Do you want to grab some food from the catering truck?’
‘Sure. Why don’t I go and get us both a plate?’ Valentina smiled with relief and Shauna squeezed her hand. ‘I’ll be back in a bit.’
When the door shut behind her, Valentina lay her head on the pillow and stared up at the bed canopy. Shauna was going to revolutionise her day-to-day life and Valentina wished she’d found her a decade ago. Intelligent and empathetic, she already had a handle on her emotional needs, understanding that Valentina couldn’t face Charlie or anyone else right now.
She got off the bed and picked up the rucksack. What had he done? She turned the bag over and saw it in an instant. Below the Colombian flag, he had stitched the Scottish one. Ale had wanted to travel the world and put the flag of every country he visited on his bag, and now Charlie was showing her she could do it for him.
She held the empty rucksack to her chest, her heart aching for the brother she had lost and the man she was turning down.
