Page 63 of Kissing Games
‘And the other thing?’ His voice sounded cold and flat.
Another long silence.Don’t be such a fucking dick!He could tell his sister was trying to keep her cool, trying to be the bigger person. But instead of being his best self, he shrank back, becoming all the worst parts. He could hear her trying to start sentences again, trying to find the right words.
Irritation flared inside him. ‘What is it? I’ve got to go.’
‘It’s nothing, forget it,’ she said in a rush. ‘We can talk at the party.’ Her voice sounded different. Strained.
He sighed. ‘Oh come on, Tab, out with it. It can’t be worse than having to spend a day with the great and the good of Chumleigh Underbottom.’
There was silence, then she spoke. ‘I’m pregnant.’
Charlie laughed. It sounded manic and forced. ‘No, you’re not. You can’t be.’
‘Yes, Charlie, I am. I’m twenty weeks pregnant. We’ve just had the big scan. We’re having a little girl.’
He felt a punch to the gut. He was going to be sick. ‘But you can’t be. You don’t want kids.’
‘How do you know?’
He didn’t reply.
‘How the fuck do you know that, eh?’ Now his sister was shouting. ‘You don’t know the first thing about what I want and don’t want. You even think my marriage to Miles is some sort of joke. What the fuck is wrong with you, Charlie? Why are you such a fucking arsehole? Why can’t you just be happy for me?’ He heard her voice break.
‘Tab—’
‘We’re done, Charlie.’ He could hear her trying not to cry. ‘Don’t call me back. Don’t ever speak to me again.’
‘Tab—’
But she had hung up.
20
Charlie stood at the edge of the loch. He was far from the village and utterly alone. He tugged off his clothes and walked into the water.
The cold pricked at his body and he fought to control his breathing. He wanted the pain. It was no less than he deserved. He’d never felt so ashamed, so worthless. He’d had a privileged upbringing, been afforded every opportunity, and this was the man he’d become.
He sank under the water. Knives of ice stabbed at his forehead, his eyes, his ears. Should he stay here? Let go? Make a clean break from this life?Coward.He pulled his head up and ran his hand over his face. He’d never walked away from his comrades in the field. It was about time he grew up and stopped running away from his family and his past.
Out near the middle of the loch an osprey swooped and soared. It glided down, then snatched at the surface with a splash, flying upwards and away with a fish in its talons. It was a moment in time, a moment of now, which became the past as soon as it had happened. Charlie flexed his hands, suddenly hyper-aware of the constantly unfolding present. He couldn’t undo the past. He couldn’t let it blight his life, his relationships and his future.
He strode out of the water and dried himself with his T-shirt. His mind was full of boxes containing past mistakes. Boxes he should have dealt with years ago.
The longest journey starts with a single step.
He could do this.
Back in his room,he finished Valentina’s present and put it in the wardrobe, then picked up the embroidery of the cottage garden that Barbara had started. She hadn’t done much, but her stitching was immaculate. He sat on the bed and threaded a needle.
He was making headway when a knock at the door pulled him out of his meditation. He dropped the panel, threw a pillow over it and went to the door, his legs stiff and sore. He was surprised to see Valentina on the other side. ‘You’re done already?’
She looked puzzled. ‘I’m actually a little late.’
He looked at his watch. He’d been sewing for over two hours. No wonder his legs hurt. She looked at him expectantly. ‘Shit! Sorry, come in. I, er, was, um, reading.’
She walked past him and cast her eyes around the room. ‘What book?’
‘Er.’
