Page 105 of Ashes of the Past
Brynn
I sit on the couch, my arms wrapped tightly around Olivia as her head rests in my lap. Barney is curled up beside us, his warm body pressed against my leg, his breathing slow and steady. Olivia’s sniffles have softened, but her fingers still clutch at my shirt, a reminder that she’s not okay—not really.
Can anyone be okay after that?
Dad paces in front of the fireplace, rubbing the back of his neck, his jaw clenched so tight I can see the muscle twitch. Every few steps, he stops like he wants to say something, then shakes his head and keeps going. The weight of everything sits heavy in the air between us. None of us knows what to say, because there are no words that can make this better.
I stare at the floor, barely aware of my own hands rubbing Olivia’s back in slow, repetitive circles. “It’s okay,” I whisper. “It’s going to be okay.”
But I don’t even know if that’s true. My voice sounds hollow. The words are empty. And deep down, I don’t believe them.
The images from tonight keep flashing through my mind, one after another, like a horror movie I can’t turn off. The sound of the gunshot, Olivia’s scream. The way she crumpled to the ground. For one horrifying second, I thought she’d been hit. I thought she was dead. My heart stopped. My world shattered. I will never forget that feeling, that instant when I lost everything.
My throat closes, and I press my head back against the couch, willing myself to breathe through the crushing weight of it all. My hands tremble as I stroke Olivia’s hair, keeping her close, as if holding onto her tight enough will make the fear go away.
Then there was Lane—his wild eyes, the way he charged at me. If Jack hadn’t tackled him… I squeeze my eyes shut. Another wave of nausea rolls through me.
And Clay. His voice, that awful voice, screaming for Olivia, cursing my name, calling me every vile thing he could think of as they loaded him onto the stretcher. I should have felt something when he was lying there, bleeding, knowing he might not make it. But I didn’t. There was nothing left to feel for him. Just… emptiness.
A single tear slips down my cheek, then another. Before I know it, they’re falling freely, and I let them. I don’t have the energy to stop them anymore. I could have lost everything tonight. My baby. My whole world.
If Olivia hadn’t been outside alone—if I hadn’t been inside kissing Jack—none of this would have happened. Lane wouldn’t be in the back of a squad car. Clay wouldn’t be clinging to life.
My breath hitches.
Oh God. What was I thinking? How could I have been so distracted?
Jack comes in, his boots heavy on the wooden floor. His first steps are toward Olivia and Barney. He kneels beside the couch, reaching out to touch Olivia’s hair, his voice gentle. “Hey, sweetheart. You okay?”
She sits up and throws her arms around his neck. “Thank you for saving us.”
His hands shake as he holds her, his eyes closing for a brief second, like he’s absorbing the moment. Like he needs it just as much as she does.
Then, his gaze shifts to mine.
I can’t hold it. I can’t meet those eyes. I can’t face the reality of what happened or the part I played in it.
This is all my fault.
I swallow the lump in my throat and gently pull Olivia back. “Come on, baby. We’re going home.”
Jack’s brows draw together in confusion. “Brynn—”
Dad steps forward. “You don’t have to go anywhere tonight. You should stay here.”
“I need to go,” I say, my voice flat, lifeless. “I need to be home.”
Jack stands, his hands open at his sides, like he’s trying to figure out what to say. “Brynn, please.”
I shake my head. “I think it’s best if you stay away from me.”
Something flickers in his eyes—hurt, confusion, maybe even anger. I don’t wait for his response. I help Olivia up, her fingers locked with mine as we walk out the door, Barney at my heels, not looking back.
I know it’s irrational, our house is only five hundred yards away, but I need to be there. I need to be away from everyone else as I try to process everything that just happened.
An hour later, Olivia is finally asleep, her small body curled up under her blankets, her chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. Barney lies at her feet, his big blue eyes watching me as if he knows I’m falling apart. Maybe he does. Maybe he feels the storm raging inside of me.
I can’t sit. I can’t rest.
