Page 69 of Ashes of the Past
But I want it to be more.
I can still feel her. The way her body fit against mine, the way her fingers dug into my shoulders like she was holding on for dear life. The way she whispered my name like it was something sacred, something that belonged to her. And maybe, in that moment, it did.
I hadn’t expected it to be like that. I hadn’t expected to lose myself in her, to feel something more than just heat and desire. But when I kissed her, when I pulled her beneath me, it wasn’t just about wanting her—it was aboutneedingher. Like she was something I’d been missing without even knowing it.
That scares me more than I’d like to admit. It’s too soon, too fast. I don’t want to rush into anything, not when there’s so much at stake. But the thought of her, of us…it’s hard to push it aside.
Focus, Renfrew. Stop distracting yourself.
I’m knee-deep in financial records when I come across a folder tucked away at the back of the desk. It’s locked, but thekey is taped to the underside of the drawer. Curious, I open it and start flipping through the papers inside.
My stomach twists as I read. It’s a loan agreement dated several years back. Larsa, Brynn’s mom, had taken out a second mortgage on the ranch. The reason listed in the paperwork, which makes my chest tighten, is medical bills. Breast cancer treatment.
I sit back in the chair, running a hand through my hair. She must have done this to make sure her husband wouldn’t be burdened with the debt after she passed. A lump forms in my throat as I think about the kind of strength that must have taken.
As I go through the rest of the folder, it becomes clear that Brynn has been quietly paying off the loan ever since. There’s no way her dad knows about this; he would’ve fought her on it tooth and nail. She’s been carrying this weight on her own, all while trying to keep the ranch afloat.
I close the folder and sit there for a long moment, staring at the desk. Brynn’s been through so much, and yet she keeps going, keeps fighting. It’s humbling, and it makes me want to fight for her, too.
John walks into the office, his boots heavy against the wooden floor. I barely look up from the papers spread across the desk, but I can feel him watching me. He leans against the door frame, arms across his chest.
“How are you holding up?” John asks.
“Fine. I’m not sure why I thought paperwork was the best thing to do.”
He exhales, stepping further into the office, his hands resting on his hips as he studies Jack for a long moment.
“That’s enough to drive anyone crazy.”
I chuckle and nod.
“I appreciate what you did, running into that barn like that. Most people wouldn’t have risked it,” John continues.
I just nod again, my jaw tight. An awkward silence stretches between us, the only sound the ticking of the clock on the wall. John clears his throat, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.
“Insurance adjuster will be here later. Figured you’d do the walk-around with me?” he adds.
“Yeah. I found the last appraisal paperwork, the structural reports, and the inventory logs. Should be everything they need.”
“Good. That’ll help.”
I lean back in my chair, running a hand over my face before dropping it to my lap.
“Any idea who started it?” I ask.
John exhales through his nose, shaking his head. “Sheriff’s looking for Lane. Says he’s the most likely suspect, but no one can seem to find him.”
“That’s who I would look for, too.”
My expression doesn’t change, but I nod slowly, absorbing the information. Another silence lingers, thick and heavy. John looks toward the window, out at the charred remains of the barn, then back at Jack. His mouth twists into a sad half-smile.
“That barn was built a long time ago. Hell, I remember my granddad telling me stories about raising it. We’re lucky it wasn’t worse, but…” He shakes his head, voice quieter now. “Still a damn hard loss.”
I don’t say anything. I don’t have to. We both just sit with it for a moment, the weight of it settling between us.
“I’ll see you in a bit,” he says before he walks out of the office.
I go back to digging through the paperwork. There’s still a mountain of things that need filing, and it would be easier to handle if we switched everything to digital. I turn on the desktop that’s currently sitting on the old wooden desk. It looks fairly new, so I’m hopeful I can switch the financials to QuickBooksand set up some Excel spreadsheets to get this all way easier than the current filing system.
