Page 69 of Dear #47, You're the Worst
“Okay, but seriously,” Wren says, stabbing a piece of chicken with her fork, “I’m a reality tv producer and I’m looking for a new show idea to bring to my television network. Ryan mentioned this idea of, like, following the team around? I think we should push for it.”
I perk up immediately. “That’s brilliant. The behind-the-scenes content would be incredible. Think about the storytelling possibilities.”
“Right?” Wren’s face lights up. “You could help me pitch it.”
“Absolutely. We should schedule a meeting.”
“Really?” Wren blushes. “You’d really do that?”
“Of course. We’re a coven now. We help each other.”
“Wow.” Wren grins. “I’ve never really had my own group of friends.”
Jessa cuts in, “Well, now you have us.”
Ivy, who’s been unusually quiet, suddenly announces, “I had athletic sex this morning.”
Jessa turns bright red. “Ivy! TMI!”
Ivy looks nonchalant. “What? I thought we were ready for a new topic.”
“Athletic how?” Wren asks with scientific curiosity.
“Like CrossFit but naked,” Ivy explains matter-of-factly.
“Oh god.” Jessa puts her hands over her ears. “I’m not hearing this.”
Wren cocks her head. “Part of being in a coven is promoting sexual freedom for women. I want to hear more, Ivy.”
“I’ll tell you everything. Including his dick size,” Ivy announces.
“Please, no,” Jessa begs. “Text Wren that stuff if you really have to tell someone.”
Ivy arches a brow at Wren, who claps her hands. “Yes, please!”
I’m dying. Absolutely dying. This is exactly what I needed after the disaster lunch with my mother. I cackle.
Then they turn their attention to me. I know I’m in trouble.
“Speaking of athletic activities,” Ivy says with a wicked grin. “You and Hunter lookedverycozy during the team retreat.”
“We did not.”
“You totally did,” Jessa agrees. “There were pictures.”
“Staged pictures. For publicity.”
“Uh-huh.” Wren doesn’t look convinced. “And what about when you thought no one was looking?”
I try to deny it, but eventually I cave. “Fine. He’s attractive. Straight up hot. Too bad he opens his mouth and ruins everything with his words.”
Ivy raises an eyebrow. “I bet you’d like his mouth just fine if it was too busy to talk.”
My face burns. “Ivy.”
She doesn’t stop there. “Licking your clit, for example.”
Jessa puts her hands over her ears again.
