Page 34 of The Elusive Billionaire
Her heavy sigh carries through her microphone. “Yes, I think so.”
“Are you embarrassed by that?”I ask on the screen. Grey’s unruly dark blond hair catches my attention as he leans across his wall of pillows to look more closely at my screen.
“I work in a very demanding, male-dominated field. Asking for something like this does make me worry about my career and what the hell’s going on in my mind after fighting for twenty years to get to the top.”
“I get that,”podcast me says.“But this is where you need separation in your life. Work you is not bedroom you.You’re allowed to have different personalities. Put it this way—would you speak to a child the same way you speak to your employees?”
“No, of course not.”Jaida sounds appropriately freaked out.“I’ve had to create a very tough exterior to claw my way to the top. Men in my field don’t always appreciate taking directions from a woman, especially when I’m so much younger in comparison, so I have to be in control of everything I do and say at work. There’s no room for softness in my career.”
“It sounds as though you have to be in control seventy-five percent of the time. That’s a lot of pressure for anyone, regardless of gender. And I will say, there’s freedom in the perception of giving up that control. Allowing someone else to make those choices for you is the ultimate act of trust.”
I steal a quick glance at Grey. Does he have any idea how much trust I’ve placed in him? Does he care?
His carefully curated mask is impenetrable, but his eyes dance across my screen. What is he thinking?
“By handing someone else the decision-making power, it allows you a break you don’t otherwise get. And I think you’ll be surprised by how much better this can make your life, so I suggest this: approach your husband with honesty and vulnerability. Explain the pressure you’re under at work. Explain how giving up control to someone you trust explicitly will be beneficial to you and to him. I would go in slowly, with very clear expectations. Talk about what you want, ask for it, and then compromise until you both feel comfortable.”
“What if he shuts down the conversation before I can get into details of what I need?”Jaida asks, her voice much quieter than before.
“Then give him time to cool off, but do bring up the conversation again another time. Make sure you’re clear that this is something you need, not just want. And if he still resists,then you have some choices to make.”I look away from the screen and get locked into a trance when I find Grey staring at me as if he’s trying to solve world hunger.“You deserve, we all deserve to have someone support us in life, in work, and in the bedroom. It’s about intimacy as much as trust. Too often, women hide away from their wants and needs because of how their partner may view them. And if that’s you, I encourage you to dig deep for your self-worth. Hold on to it with both hands, and ask yourself the hard question: what do I need to be happy—truly happy and at peace?”
“You trust me.” Grey’s voice is warm and so dang inviting.
I shrug, refusing to commit to his assumption, focusing instead on pausing the podcast and making a note for my engineer.
“When we have sex, you’re letting go,” Grey says. His tone is low, husky, but also a little wary.
I nibble on my thumbnail, and his focus shifts to the action. Damn it. I bite my nails when I’m nervous, and he twists his lucky coin through his fingers when he’s thinking. We both have tells and have spent enough time together to know them.
Closing out of the podcast, I wiggle out from under the covers. I’ll proof the rest of it tomorrow, when Grey isn’t glued to my side.
“Tell me one honest thing, Monroe.” The hesitancy in his tone has me pausing my hasty escape. My bare feet press into the cool hardwood floor, searching for grounding that won’t come, and I wait for him to continue.
“What?” I ask without turning to face him when the silence becomes unbearable.
“Have you ever let go with anyone else the way you do with me? Have you ever given up control like you do with me?”
The air I’m breathing suddenly burns like fire. My chest rises and falls in rapid succession. It hurts. My entire chest cavity feels as though it’s collapsing under the weight of my insecurities.
I swallow three times before I remove the sawdust from my mouth, then, without turning around, I say, “That’s two things, but the answer to both of them is…no.”
The laptop in my hands may as well weigh one hundred pounds, considering the way my arms tremble. I’m quick to set it on the nightstand, and even quicker to round the bed and lock myself away in the bathroom.
My ass hits the cold lid of the toilet, and I drop my face into my hands as my panic attack winds through my nervous system.
I only gave him a small truth—it’s not the end of the world. Our relationship is already in the gutter, so one brief moment of opening myself up isn’t going to change anything. He’s not the kind of guy to weaponize my words—not normally anyway. If he were, I wouldn’t have already told him more than I’ve ever told anyone else.
It’s just not who he is.
So why does it feel like I just handed him the ignition to the bomb that is my heart?
CHAPTER TEN
GREYSON
Time passes slowlywhile I wait for her to exit the bathroom, but it’s fine because she set off a war inside my head.
This obnoxiously stubborn woman handed over her body to me, trusting me to take care of her on numerous occasions—something she says she’s never done before.
