Page 103 of The Elusive Billionaire
Her focus flicks to a point on my neck, but I don’t release her.
“Try.” For a man who never begs, she’s turned me into a mendicant.
Her shoulders shudder, and everything in my soul is screaming to hold her close, but I’m afraid any movement will have her shutting down again, so I remain still.
“It’s not something that ever goes away.” She meets my eye for half a second before finding something more interesting to stare at. “It’s not something I’ve ever talked about with anyone either.”
Pride and hope flare in my chest. I’ll be her first.
“You’ve never gotten help?”
She tries to shake her head, but it’s clasped between my palms.
“When I was younger, I—I took pills. Laxatives.” She winces, but I keep all judgment out of my expression. “There was also this herbal tea that made my stomach cramp so badly I didn’t want to eat.”
What the fuck was in that? I don’t ask though. I’m not sure I really want to know.
“What made you stop taking that shit?”
Something flickers in her eyes, something that haunts her, something I want to chase away.
“I didn’t want to die.”
“A—and now?” My voice cracks, but I don’t hide it from her. I’m done hiding, I just hope she can be done too.
“I’m not trying to…”
“What?”
“Nothing. I don’t want to die. I’m not taking any pills or laxatives or anything like that.”
“But you’ve lost weight you couldn’t afford to lose, Sav. I know your body better than I know my own. I see the fatigue even if no one else can. I hear the girls saying how good you look, I hear strangers praise, but I see your pain even if they don’t.”
She swallows, and I feel it against my palms.
“If you’re not trying to hurt yourself, then what the hell is going on?”
“I didn’t say that,” she snaps, and I recoil. “It’s more complicated than that, Greyson. It’s not like I can just give you an answer like, I wanted to lose fifteen pounds, so I starved myself. It doesn’t work that way—at least not for me.”
Things become clear in a flash of snapshots, and guilt seeps into my soul. “You’re punishing yourself.”
“It’s not a conscience decision I made. It just…happens sometimes, until I get a handle on it.”
“When did this start?”
“When I turned sixteen, but after Paige’s accident is when it was the worst.” There’s no hesitation. So she started punishing herself when her life felt out of control, but especially after her friend was hurt.
She was fine when I met her, wasn’t she?
Nausea swirls in my gut.
“What was the trigger this time?” I ask.
She quickly stares at a point behind me. “I’m not sure.”
It’s a lie, and we both know it.
“Don’t lie, Savvy. Not about this.” It’s nearly impossible to keep my tone light, and I hear a catch in the words. I’m sure she caught it too.
