Page 90 of Heart Strings & Hotlines
“Exactly. Can you now understand how all the behaviors you found strange, or odd, might have been cries for help? Her stomping out of the room. Wanting to know that you were home but not having the skills to ask for help because she’s dealing with something her brain isn’t fully equipped to handle yet. Standing outside your office, wanting to be invited in, but too proud to ask. She’s more like you than you know.”
Is that what this has all been? Have I been missing her cries for help?
“Before you go down the road of self-recrimination and guilt, remember that for recognizing, understanding, and executing social skills, you’re both essentially on the same level. So while she’s learning these skills by interacting with and observing other people, you’re playing catch-up. But now we’ve given you some tools to make identifying behavior and responding to it appropriately more accessible. Does that make sense to you?”
Too much sense.
“Sweetbriar isn’t a place I would’ve ever chosen for you, Thane. You’re abrupt, and rude, and sometimes downright cold. But I’ve seen changes in you here I didn’t believe you’d ever make. This town, Kara, and especially Lottie have found a way to access the heart you keep guarded behind moats and Kevlar. And I think if you’re ready and willing, there are more tools you can add to your arsenal to help strengthen and support your relationships with everyone around you. But it will take a lot of hard work, and it’ll be extremely uncomfortable for you.”
For over fifteen years, I’ve thought this man has been trying to fix me, but I’ve never felt as though I needed fixing, so it never made sense to me. He’s right—I’ve actively fought him at every turn.
Perhaps I haven’t been listening to hear him though. Maybe what he was saying was he wanted to help me learn what was stolen from me when my father denied me access to schooling and socialization.
I may be different, but is it possible I’m not the monster my father claimed me to be either?
“I saw the signs with Kara,” I say. He nods but allows me time and space to get my thoughts together. “But I didn’t know what to do with them or even that they were signs.”
“And you’ll probably always miss some. What’s important is that you allow yourself the grace and time to learn, practice, and always keep trying. That’s what life is, Thane. Making mistakes and learning from them. You can’t change how your brain processes information any more than Kara can change how she responds to trauma or hormones. But you can both try to learn from each other, support each other, and offer each other patience.”
“Are you sure you’re not a shrink?” My lips curl into a smile despite his words ramming against my skull.
“I’m sure. You’re a good man.”
“Does that mean you’ll tell the judge I passed?”
He laughs, and reluctantly, I do too.
“You passed.”
Unsure of where to move the conversation next, I look back to my computer.
“Do you know why I agreed to do this for you?” he asks.
“Because I’ve made you a fuckton of money?”
When I started my very first startup, Rafe invested a hundred dollars. He’s gotten it back fifty thousand times over.
“Did you also know that when I gave you that hundred dollars in college, it meant that I could only eat one package of ramen per day for over a month?”
All the blood in my head rushes straight to my feet. Slowly I lift my gaze to his.
“What did you say?”
“I gave you my last hundred dollars with no expectation of ever getting it back.”
That makes no sense to me. “I told you I would make you rich with it, and I did.”
“I didn’t know that at the time though.”
“Then why would you give it to me and starve? Why didn’t you tell me? I would have bought food.”
He stands and finally removes the fucking sweater-vest I hated so much. “I gave you my last dollar because I believed in you—as a person and as a friend. Sometimes in life, we must risk everything for life to have any meaning at all. I’ve always known that you’re more than your circumstances have allowed. I’ve always seen the man who can accomplish anything he sets his mind to, and that’s why I know you and Kara will be fine.
“Believe me when I say it will be a bumpy road, but trust the foundation you’re building here. Allow people into your life, even if it’s scary. You’ve done the hard work on your own, now it’s time to reap the rewards with everyone who cares about you.”
He starts to walk away, but I have one more question.
“Rafe.” He turns back to me. “What made you befriend me in college? Why didn’t you just walk away when I told you to leave me alone?”
