Page 37 of Heart Strings & Hotlines
“Your hands,” she demands again, and the voices in my head, the ones telling me I’m broken, damaged, stupid, different, all rage against my skull until I’m sure it will explode.
She reaches for my forearm, lifting my fist from my pocket, and the voices screech to a halt. All I can focus on is the warmth of her skin against mine. Not the burning, itching kind, but…pleasant and calm.
One, two, three, and four. Two, two, three, and four.My narrator whispers the count in the recesses of my mind, ever-present but less in control.
Lottie pulls the other hand from my pocket, steps back, and cradles both of my clenched fists in the palms of her hands.
“Why do you hide this?” She hasn’t lifted her gaze from my hands. “I saw you do it at the farmer’s market too. What happens if you don’t make a fist?”
My throat is dry, so dry it’s painful to even swallow. I can’t speak, and Rafe, for the first time in his goddamn life, stays silent. Maybe the asshole stopped breathing.
I don’t want to explain why my fingers tap a count of four. It’s something I’ve mostly mastered, but nothing is familiar here, and all my safeguards have been left behind.
“Open your hands and place your palms on mine, Thane.”
I don’t register moving until my palm touches hers. A small smile tugs at the corners of her lips when my fingers move an infinitesimal amount, putting pressure on each of hers one after another.
One, two, three, and four. Two, two, three, and four.
“Why do you hide?”
The reply shouts so loudly in my head that I flinch, but Lottie’s soft hands follow mine and gently pull them back.
“His brain is broken, half brain-dead,” I mutter. Closing out the world again, focusing on the press of her fingertips, I fight to mute that voice. “My brain, I’m?—”
“Not your father’s words. Yours. Why do you hide?”
How the hell did she know I invoked my father?
My heart jolts as I open my eyes to find her staring up at me with tears in hers.
“How…” The word is croaked and fragmented.
“Kara told me a lot about your father and what he’s said and done to you both. I’ve lived that life, so I understand. Why do you hide?”
“Because I’m different.”
“Different isn’t bad.”
“Different isn’t acceptable.”
She squeezes my hands with her own. “Says who? Your father…or you?”
“I… Were you expecting me to react poorly to Kara sleeping at your house?”
“I don’t know you well enough to know that answer, Thane.”
That’s not true. She might know me better than anyone ever has.
Lottie lowers her hands, and it takes me a moment to remove mine from midair. They’re suddenly freezing, but I resist the urge to stick them back in my pockets.
“Does it bother you that Kara is at your house?” I ask.
She considers this for a moment, and my flames flicker to life in the silence.
“No, I don’t mind. I understand the need for strong female relationships when you’re her age.”
“But this is another boundary the Wilders are crossing without your permission,” Rafe says.
