Page 66 of Love Notes & Lifelines
“She’s pretty great, isn’t she?”
Emmy crawls into my lap and rests her ear against my chest. She’s so small, so delicate, yet so very brave. “I lub her.”
A porcupine climbs into my throat, poking and stabbing me with emotional quills, so I remain silent.
Emmy loves Stella. Want and need pick up their pitchforks in my mind. I don’tneedanyone. And I haven’t wanted anyone either, but there’s something about Stella that’s unknotting years’ worth of baggage, and I’m afraid of what she might find when she releases the final string.
“Pwetty nails?” Emmy asks, holding up my hand. My answering scowl has her standing and kissing my cheek. “Let’s make you pwetty.”
“Ah, what does that mean, exactly?”
Emmy runs from the room and returns a second later. She kisses Ruby’s nose on her way by, and it unlocks something hot in my chest. But when she holds up a bottle of bubblegum-pink nail polish, reality slams into me with the strength of a heavy-weight fighter—my life has truly, and forever, changed.
It’sten thirty before both girls fall asleep. I still haven’t figured out how Stella manages to get them both down at the same time, but this is a win for me, and it’s only because I allowed Daisie to curl up on Emmy’s bed—just this once.
My fingernails sparkle. So do my fingers, and places on my knee where Emmy missed my nails completely. For some reason, I thought she’d have better control, so this mess is on me.
ButIwasfun.
From playdough that Ruby ate, to painting fingernails, wearing makeup, and sand pies at the beach that we pretended to eat, we had fun.
And it was so flipping exhausting that I won’t be moving from the sofa any time soon.
But maybe exhaustion is simply the excuse I’m using to not open the letter from Cally that’s been burning a hole in my pocket for weeks.
A dirty martini sits on the coffee table in a puddle of condensation, untouched. Perhaps I was hoping Stella would come home and interrupt me.
When Stella comes home?Jesus, what a mess.
After tugging on the ends of my hair, I down the martini in one gulp and instantly wish there were another nearby. Instead, with shaky hands, I open her letter.
Dear Beck,
Of all the things I wish I’d done differently in my life, you are at the top of my list. I wish I’d found a way to tell you everything before it was too late, but we neverhad all the evidence, so it was a risk I couldn’t take. Now, unfortunately, I’ll never get it for you.
What is she talking about? Evidence of what? My lungs burn inside my chest, but I can’t seem to fill them.
After Mom died, I went through the library searching for answers I didn’t fully understand the questions to—our lives have never been what they should have been. Not when Dad died. Not with Delacroix, and not for you.
I know you believe Davis and I betrayed you. You think Dad betrayed you. But that’s not how it was, Beck. We all loved you. We were all protecting you. I wish I could have found the proof sooner. And I’ll never forgive myself for pushing you away the way I did, but I didn’t have any other options. Please know I never meant a word of what I said to you that day. You are amazing, and strong, and meant for great things in this world.
And the one thing I know as truth is that Dad handed over Hayes and Delacroix to Vincent, not because he didn’t trust you, but because he knew if you took it over, they would sink you too. And we all knew that if you’d known the truth, you would have fought to keep it—to make it right—because that’s what you do.
Even at twenty, you were a better man than Vincent Delacroix. I wish I could have told you this in person. I wish I’d found a way to protect you in a way that didn’t rip you from my life, but please understand that everything I did was because I loved you as though you were my own. I raised you when Mom’s depression refused to let go of her, and it was one of the greatest pleasures of my life.
Images burn my retinas. Ones of Cally bringing food into my parents’ bedroom, of my dad begging my mom to shower, ofCally ushering me away from it all. They tear open a wound I hadn’t remembered existed.
With great effort, and angry swipes at my eyes, I return to my sister’s letter.
Dad knew what a great man you were and would be. He didn’t want to hold you back. And he didn’t want you to get caught up in lies and deceit the way he had. Vincent was laundering money for years, and Dad believed it better for you to hate him than to get caught up in a fight that wasn’t yours.
Vincent took on shady deals that Dad spent years shielding the company from, but when that car came out of nowhere, he couldn’t do it anymore. He made plans, almost as if he knew his death was imminent, so he made sure we were only paid employees. If anything happened, and Vincent Delacroix was the sole owner, he would take the fall.
Sickness stabs at my gut. This can’t be true. It can’t. That would mean I lost everything and everyone I loved because they didn’t trust me enough to tell me the truth. They…loved me enough to protect me while paying the highest price of all—our relationship—and they never gave me a choice.
Please, Beck. If you believe anything, believe that I loved you and I’m begging you to keep Danica away from my girls. She’s worse than her father. Assume everything she says is a lie or is for her benefit. She haseyeseverywhere.
Davis gave me proof that my hunch was correct. We were trying to make things right by taking over Delacroix Holdings. We just ran out of time. Forgive my riddles and clues, but for your sake, and the sake of my girls, I can’t take any chances. You’ll find what you needwhere the stars shine bright.
