Page 37 of Love Notes & Lifelines
At my name, I stand to attention because this time I’m not imagining it. She does sound like Stella.
“I think I’m losing my mind. Emmy asked for an assistant who works in my office tonight, and when you said my name it sounded—never mind.” It’s lack of sleep that’s making me batshit crazy. “Um, so I need to give the girls a bath, and I’ve never bathed anyone except myself.”
“They haven’t had a bath at all?” The horror in her tone tells me I’ve screwed up.
“Well, I took them into the shower. I wore a bathing suit every time,” I point out. “And I let the water spray over them. But it’s nearly impossible to hold a kid that’s all soaped up, so no. They haven’t had a real bath. But I’m keeping them clean. Cleanish. Mostly.”
“Okay. No problem,” she says, but her tone tells me this is a major problem, and I’m smart enough to know better. “This is an easy one. The only thing you need to remember is to never, and I mean nevereverleave them alone in the bathtub. You must be within arm’s reach at all times. Kids can drown in only a couple inches of water.”
“Jesus, I wasn’t aware this was a life-or-death situation. It’s a fucking bath.”
“Language, Beck.”
My spine prickles, and I immediately drop my gaze to Emmy, who’s smiling up at the phone.
“Are you…do you…never mind. Hit me with the bath instructions.”
Forty-five minutes later, I have Ruby sitting in some kind of plastic seat that’s supposed to keep her contained, while Emmy fills cup after cup of water. I’m sweating and could use a shower myself. I had no idea kid stuff was so, just so…much.
“Did Baby Corp. bring you shampoo and all that stuff?” Jane asks. She has the patience of a saint, but it doesn’t escape my attention that she now sounds a million miles away.
“Yes.” I grab a bottle of Aveeno baby wash that smells of flowers and oatmeal. I’ll have to evaluate why I’m hearing Stella everywhere another time.
“Good, so wash them like you’d wash yourself. With Ruby, you may have to spread her rolls a little to make sure she’s reallyclean because she’s still in diapers. You don’t want any poop or anything settling there.”
I sit back on my heels and shake my head.
“Are you fuc—messing with me? That will get me arrested.” Wait. How does she know Ruby has rolls? Did I call her Ruby-rolls on one of our phone calls?
She laughs and it’s a beautiful melody I already know. I’m so fucking confused. Do I have the hots for Jane or for Stella? Or am I so tired that I’m making everything up in my head?
Stella versus Jane. Then there’s Stella as Jane. And in my dreams, it’s an inappropriate version of them both.
When Leah in accounting was pregnant, HR told me that pregnancy brain was a real thing and we needed to make accommodations for her. Maybe that’s what’s happening here, too.
“You won’t get arrested.” Jane’s voice is filled with mirth. “You’re their guardian. It’s your job to make sure they’re clean.”
“No way. I’m not doing it.”
“You’re cleaning her everywhere when you change her diaper, right?”
“I clean what I see as quickly as possible without looking.”
“Beck. This is serious. If you don’t make sure there’s no poop remnants, she’ll get an infection.”
“What if I turn on the jets and just swish her back and forth a bit?”
There’s that laugh again. The one that makes my cock jolt and the hairs at the base of my neck stand on end.
“You can do this. Make sure you wash their hair and behind their ears. They’re just mini people.”
“I’m going to hell for this.”
I drop a cloth into the tub and start with Ruby’s feet. She laughs and kicks, splashing us all with water.
“You could have mentioned that bath time is for everyone. I’m getting a shower over here,” I grumble.
“Didn’t I mention that? It’s nearly impossible to come away dry.”
