Page 34 of Love Notes & Lifelines
“Honestly? No. I’ve known Beck for twenty-five years, and in all that time, I’ve never seen him this way. You’re making him human again, Stella, and for that, this will all be worth it. I respect your decision to pass on a nanny gig that would pay more than working for Caleb but take a moment to consider if it’s worth it. Sometimes the hardest decisions are the right decisions.”
What he’s saying would make sense for most people, but I need the flexibility to see my mom at a moment’s notice—I can’t be tied down with two little girls if she needs me, and I need the insurance I get working for a corporation this large. I can’t giveup the last few months of my mother’s life—even if she never remembers me again.
CHAPTER TEN
BECK
“Okay,girls. That was a—well, it was something, wasn’t it?”
I can’t see Ruby’s face because apparently, her car seat is supposed to face backward. YouTube is my best friend right now, but Emmy stares at me with wide eyes. In the daylight, I can see the shadows in them as she holds on to her sister’s hand for dear life.
Rubbing my temples does nothing to ease the headache brought on by stress and lack of sleep. I’ve spent the past two nights watching how-to-parent videos, and I missed two meetings today.
Daisie Dog nudges my hand from the passenger seat, and I begrudgingly pet her ears.
I hate that Caleb may have been right about my company, but I didn’t have a choice—these girls need me. All the people I’ve interviewed for a nanny position over the last month are seriously lacking—Cally’s girls deserve nothing but the best I can give them. I owe it to them and to my sister.
You haven’t liked the nannies because they’re not Stella.My inner voice is a prick, but it’s not wrong. For weeks, Stella’s pulled double duty helping me out on the days I go into the office.
Shit. I should call HR and have them give her a bonus—what would they label it as? A bonus because the owner of the company can’t stop thinking about you? Or a bonus because the owner of the company is seriously abusing his power and remembering what you felt like in his arms?
Jesus.
She’s so good with the girls, but she’s turned down both of my offers, and it’s probably because she can sense me perving out over her every time I see her. But even freaking Jane turned me down. If the situation weren’t so dire, it might be a hit to my ego.
The final straw was at the pediatrician’s office today. One whole month after taking custody, I find out the girls are in a state of shock and need stability. Stability, possibly in the form of the home they lived in with my sister. My childhood home in Sailport Bay.
That won’t be happening.
I understand what Dr. Bomburg was saying, but she’s also a little hippie-dippie, so I’m not sure how much I should be listening to her advice. I can’t believe my sister would have even chosen her.
Turning in my seat, I stare at Emmy’s sad face. “Ready to go home, lovebug?”
Cally used to call me lovebug when I was a kid, and the nickname suits Emmy, too, even though she’s the spitting image of my sister. Her eyes are bright and hopeful even when they’re sad. I don’t understand it, but it doesn’t make it untrue. “To my house,” I clarify. “With the fancy elevator?” All the light leaves her face, and she rests her head on her sister’s car seat.
“I’m trying my best here, Emmy.” She doesn’t respond because she’s four and doesn’t understand the complexities surrounding our situation. So I drive us to my penthouse insilence for another dinner of mac and cheese because it’s the only thing I can get them both to eat.
What were you thinking, Cally? What made you think I could do this?
The companyI hired to babyproof and furnish my home with anything and everything kid-related we might need finally finished up today. My apartment now resembles a child’s play area with foam rolls covering every corner and sharp edge.
It’s only by the grace of God that I figured out the baby carrier, and that has been a lifesaver. Strapping Ruby into the kangaroo pouch took a lot of trial and error, but Emmy was happy to let me borrow her stuffed bunny.
“Emmy, why don’t you bring your backpack to your room? I have to piss, ah—pee, then we’ll figure out dinner, okay?”
She nods but stays put with her little hands outstretched wide as though she’s waiting for me to drop Ruby. Wrestling the little girl into the carrier on my chest is not an easy feat, and I’m covered in sweat by the time her legs are through the holes.
But Jesus Christ. Does Emmy have that little faith in me?
“I won’t drop her, Emmy. I promise.” Her gaze drifts from my hand holding Ruby still, to Ruby’s wildly waving limbs, and she doesn’t lower her arms. “I promise. I’ve got this,” I repeat, securing the last clasp of the contraption.
Emmy frowns, looks from one buckle to the next, then picks up her backpack and walks to her room, thank fuck. I’ve had to piss since we arrived at the doctor’s office, but I couldn’t figure out where the hell I was supposed to set Ruby down. Now I understand what Stella was talking about, and changing stations will be installed at Crystal Waters as soon as fucking possible.
When Emmy turns into her room, I dart across the hall to the guest bathroom and freeze.
What the hell is on my toilet?
I bend at the knees, careful to hold Ruby’s legs out of the way, something I learned the hard way last night when she kicked over the box of pasta, but the lid won’t open. A white plastic arm-like thing holds the seat in place. It shoots out from the toilet’s cistern and stops in the center of the lid with a wide circle keeping the lid shut.
