Page 147 of Your Last First Kiss
“Yeah, I am. I really am,” Kai corrects before I can interrupt. “Dillon’s a good guy. He makes everyone happy. I—I’m sorry I tried to make you choose between him and me. I don’t know. I don’t know why I needed to hurt you so badly.”
“Like begets like. Hurt begets hurt.” He stares at me with a blank expression. “It means misery loves company. You were hurting, so you wanted the one you’re closest with to hurt too.”
“You’re weird.” He looks at the floor, and I realize how quickly he’s growing up.
He’ll be gone in a few years, and it eats away at me that I allowed our lives to get so out of control for so long. This mom guilt is a real bitch.
“Anyway, I am sorry,” he says again, and I wrap my arms around him. He’s so much taller than me now, but I soak in the embrace for as long as he’ll let me.
“I know you are, Kai. But it’s in the past. We don’t need to look back to know where we’re going. I love you, buddy. So much.” I get choked up at the end and blink away tears.
“I love you too, Mom.”
Dillon walks by but stops when he sees us. “Hey, Kai, sometimes you have to tap out, or she’ll stand there all day hugging you.”
“Tap out?” Kai asks. “Like in wrestling?”
“Yup. Just like that.”
I don’t have to see Dillon’s smile to know it’s there. It warms his voice.
Kai taps my shoulder three times, and I begrudgingly let go. Whoever invented that rule should be punished.
“Told you so,” Dillon says as he enters the family room. “You guys all set? I asked Miller if he wanted help unpacking, but he said he was good.”
I look around with a hint of sadness.
It’s not like this is the last time I’ll ever walk into this house. Miller lives here now. I’ll be here all the time, but it’s the last time I’ll look at it as the woman I once was—a newly single mom of three, scared to death that I wouldn’t be able to provide for my boys—that I wouldn’t be enough for them. But when I leave this chapter behind, I’ll be the woman I was always meant to be. All because the man standing by my side was strong enough to support me while I found my way.
“Yes, I’m ready. You ready, Kai?”
From my son’s expression, I get the uncanny sensation that he’s having a very similar conversation with himself right now.
“Yeah, I’m ready,” he says, and this time he stands a little taller. He even walks out of the house like he’s a little lighter, a little less haunted.
Dillon wraps an arm around my shoulder and walks with me to the SUV, where he already has the other kids buckled in.
“We’re going to be all right,” I say.
“More than all right, sweetheart. We’re going to be whole and happy—I already am.” He kisses my forehead, then searches my eyes. He does this a lot, always checking in on me, and I’ve never felt more loved, safe, or happy.
“Come on, let’s go start our next chapter.” He leads me by the hand and stands guard until I’m safely in my seat.
Like turning a page in a book, I look forward to the future. I’m leaving behind what doesn’t suit me anymore and carrying the love and light that makes me me.
Sometimes it’s okay to walk away from what hurts you, and believing that has made me a different person. I’m stronger than I’ve ever been, but more importantly, I believe in myself with my whole heart.
“New beginnings and next chapters. What do you think will come next?” I ask when Dillon climbs into the driver’s seat.
“I’m thinking a little enemies to lovers or maybe a hot neighbor vibe.”
I look at him like he’s crazy.
“What?” He shrugs. “One of the Westbrooks married a romance author. It was an education, to say the least. But that’s my prediction.”
“Why?” Kai asks from the back seat.
A mischievous grin appears on Dillon’s handsome face. “Because I didn’t tell Miller who was moving in next door.”
