Page 127 of Your Last First Kiss
“He feels broken, and he’s lashing out,” Miller mutters at my side. He has Mari curled up on his chest, and I’m momentarily struck by how natural he is with her.
“I know,” I say, scrubbing a hand over my face like if I can just rub hard enough, it will wash away the helplessness that’s consuming me. “I hate this. All of it.”
The other kids pretend to be focused on the screens in their hands, but I know better. Even Gage is silent and still. Kids truly are energy vampires. They feed off the vibe of every room they enter.
“I know,” Miller says. His tone is compassionate, but his face is hard. He steps closer, so we’re shoulder to shoulder. “If he weren’t already in jail, I think I’d kill him myself.”
Same, man. Same.
My eyes snag on Landon, sitting alone in the corner. He tries to mask his fear, but it’s palpable. I cross the room and settle on the floor, resting my back against his chair.
“My dad did something again, didn’t he?” Landon whispers.
I won’t lie to him, so I nod even though I’m not sure it’s my place.
“Does it make me a bad person if I hate him?” His voice trembles at the words, and I let my head fall back so he can see the truth in my eyes.
“No, Landon. That makes you human. We’re not defined by our circumstances but by the choices we make. We can’t control the choices of others, but we can control our own. We will always be here to help you make good choices, okay?”
“You promise?” It’s a whispered request that’s full of fear. “What if Kai makes her…”
“Landon? Look at me.” He drops his watery eyes to mine. “I bought that building over there,” I say, pointing in the general direction of the TAC. “That is where I’ll be until I retire. Regardless of what happens within these walls, I will always be available to you. I promise. And I never break my promises.”
“Sometimes…” He looks away, and his cheeks flush red. “Sometimes I wish you were my dad.”
My gut hollows out at his words. A full-body tremor makes its way through me like a giant wave, and I can’t control the tear that slips free.
“The thing about family is—” I cough to clear my throat. I need this to resonate with him, so I get control of my emotions and make my voice as strong and clear as possible. “Family is what you make it, Landon. Sometimes the families we’re born into are not the ones that can support our souls. It’s not only blood that creates a family. If you learn anything from me, I hope it’s that.”
Kai chooses that moment to barrel down the stairs. He’s so out of control he misses a couple and lands at the bottom with a thud. Venom shoots from his wild eyes when he sees Landon and me.
“Why are you always here?” he seethes, stepping closer. This isn’t the kid I first met. This is a kid so shattered by broken promises that he can’t find his way out of the dark.
I stand and move to him with a relaxed stride. “Just because something’s hard doesn’t mean you get to walk away. This,” I say, motioning around the house, “is hard. Really freaking hard, but someday you will realize that some men do keep their promises. And I will be the one to teach you. I don’t care if it takes three months or thirty years. I’ll be here.”
His expression flashes from confused to angry to sad and back again in the span of seconds.
“I don’t need you,” he bellows before running toward the door, grabbing a jacket on the way and sending backpacks crashing to the floor.
Spinning on Miller, I ask, “Where’s he going?”
“Let him be. There isn’t much trouble he can get up to out here. Let him cool off, and then I’ll go looking for him.”
Penny is standing on the stairs wearing exhaustion like a heavy cloak. Her eyes are on the door, but when she notices me staring, she looks at Landon.
“Hey, buddy? Can I talk to you for a minute?” she asks.
Landon stands slowly and walks toward the stairs, but at the last minute, he turns and wraps his arms around me in a solid embrace.
A strangled cry has me looking up. Penny has shaking hands over her mouth, and tears that won’t stop sliding down her cheeks.
Leaning over, I kiss the top of Landon’s head. “I’m always here, okay?”
He nods against my stomach, then pulls away and follows his mom up the steps.
The rest of the night goes more smoothly. I’m not sure what she said to Landon or Gage, but they return to the family room a little sad but calm.
It’s almost two hours before Kai walks back into the house with a red face and no voice. It’s like he went out into the field and screamed his throat raw.
