Page 84 of Saving His Heart
“The body shuts down in stages, Sylvie. It preserves its strength for what’s essential. He has devices helping for now, but Preston was very adamant about not being kept alive on them indefinitely.”
“Will he wake again?” she asks just above a whisper.
I don’t dare to make eye contact, my own tears forming a river down the sides of my face.
“I never say never, Sylvie. But we have placed him in a medically-induced coma so you all can say good-bye, per his request. Medical evidence suggests, when these are removed, his body will continue to shut down organ by organ,” Dr. Terry explains.
“Never have I ever loved anyone more.”
Ben sets up in the corner as Sylvie and I each take a seat at Preston’s side. After a while, Sylvie stands.
“I need to get his brothers,” she tells me. “They need to spend some time with him as well.”
“Of course. Would you like me to get them?”
“No, Ems. You stay with your husband. I have a feeling you have a lot to say.”
I nod and feel sweat trickle down my spine. Sylvie walks toward the door with hunched shoulders and a hand holding her stomach. As soon as it shuts, I hear her sob.Oh, Sylvie. I rise immediately to go after her, but Ben places a hand on my arm.
“I’ve known Sylvie for a long time. I’ll look after her. She’s going to need you for this next part,” he says, pointing toward all the journals he piled on the side table. “And Preston wanted to make sure the two of you were alone when I gave you this.”
Glancing down to his hands, I see an envelope with my name written in Preston’s scratchy print. Sadness rolls through my body like an avalanche. It starts in my stomach and spirals until I feel it from my toes to my ears, and my body shakes violently.
Ben gently guides me to the edge of Preston’s bed, where I sit beside him. The letter is then pressed into my palm, and I watch Ben retreat in search of Sylvie.
What did you do, Preston?
My eyes search the room for answers but find none. Eventually, my gaze lands on Preston.My husband. Lying here in this bed, he seems so small, so weak, it cuts my heart to its core.
“You’re supposed to be the strong one. You promised you wouldn’t do this in my arms, Preston. You promised me.”
No longer giving a shit about hospital rules, I slide my body up against his. Laying my head on his chest, I listen to the beeping of monitors echoing his weakened heart. Beep. Beep. Beep. Three cycles of his labored breathing later, I break down. With my head buried in his chest, I cry harder than I have ever done in my life.
“Never have I ever loved anyone more.”
“God, Preston, I’m so sorry. I-I never even told you I loved you. I know it was all pretend. None of this would have happened if you weren’t sick, but somewhere along the lines, I fell in love with you for real. I was just too scared to tell you. I’m so sorry,” I wail.
Wiping my nose with the back of my sleeve, I notice I’m still clutching his letter.
Can I do this? I have to, right? I promised him.
Rolling a little onto my back, I slide my finger under the seam of the heavy cardstock envelope. Removing the papers, it takes six tries to get through his written words.
My Dearest Mrs. Westbrook, My Goldie, My Ems,
You have made the last year and a half of my life something worth living. No matter what happens in the future, always know that you’re my hero. I know reading this, you’re pissed off. I’ve deceived you a few times recently, but it all came from my broken heart, so please don’t hold it against me.
Let’s start with the tangible. You’re pissed off about the money, but here’s the thing. When you have as much money as my family does, you can do whatever the hell you want with it, and I’m giving it to you. Knowing you, you’re also worried that your new family will think you’re a gold digger. That won’t ever happen. They love you and will always stand by you because you’re my wife. They have their own money. They don’t need ours, so you can cross that off your defense list as well. It’s yours now. Ben has spent hours ensuring there was no way it can be refuted, just like you asked. So, you see, Goldie, I didn’t really lie to you. You made me promise to leave everything to my family, and I did. You are my family.
You’ll also know by now that you are my medical power of attorney. I did this because I know you’ll do as I ask, no matter how hard it is. I’m sorry to put you in this position. I truly am, but you’re not alone. Ben has all my wishes in writing. He will help guide you. It’s important to me everyone has a chance to say good-bye, but this is not how I want to exist.
I also have one last request, and I know I’m asking the impossible of you here. I only hope you can forgive me one day for all the pain I have caused you. After my heart beats its final time, I would like you to be the one to give my family their journals. They’ll need you to get through them. I know you don’t want to hear this, but Ben will make sure you receive yours in Italy next year. I’m doing this for a reason, and when you get it, you’ll understand why.
For now, this will be my ‘see you later’ letter. I can’t say good-bye to you, Goldie, because I didn’t have enough time with you. I’ll only say see you again and pray that’s the truth. Thank you for bringing me back to life, even if only for a short time. I spent so long trying to ignore who I was at my core, but that part of me was shocked back to life by your touch. I will die a happy man because of you.
I prepared to die alone for years because I thought it was better for everyone. I didn’t realize before I met you that I would leave a hole in my family’s lives regardless of how I had lived. By allowing you into my life, they will always have a piece of me through you because my heart belongs to you for as long as you’ll have it.
Thank you for your courage, your heart, your kindness, and your love.
