Page 87 of The Beat of My Heart
Placing a hand on my jaw, Jules says, “Just relax, this will be an adjustment for us all. He’ll come around, just give him time, okay?”
“Okay,” I sigh, leaning into her touch. “Let’s do this.”
Walking into the family room, I wasn’t prepared for an audience, but Dex and Preston’s brothers are here with GG. They must have shown up at the same time as Julia’s parents. I’m looking around the room when my eyes land on an older woman who can only be Julia’s mom. On her hip, she has a mini-me. I stand stock-still, staring at him as he babbles.
His chubby little fist is shoved so far into his mouth, I’m afraid he’ll choke, but he is laughing and making faces at Julia’s mom. The second his eyes meet mine, the world falls out from below me. It’s like tunnel vision. All I see are my eyes looking back at me.
Whiskey and fireflies,I hear my mom whisper.
“Whiskey and fireflies,” I repeat.
Without missing a beat, Charlie takes his chubby little fist out of his mouth and shocks us all when he lifts his arms to me, “Dada.”
My head flies around the room, searching for Julia when I hear it again. “Dada.”
My legs move of their own accord, I’m heading straight for Charlie. I make eye contact with Julia’s mom for a moment, and I see the love in them as she hands me my son for the first time.
The room is so quiet. The expression you could hear a pin drop is accurate. Even Charlie has stopped his baby chatter as I hold him. I stand there, Charlie and I staring at each other when he places a wet chubby hand on my scruffy jaw and laughs. I swallow multiple times, trying to compose myself, but it’s useless. Finally, I just sink to the floor, holding him to my chest. When we are seated, I release him just enough, so he is resting against my bent knees. Leaning in, I kiss his drool covered face. “Hey, buddy, I’ve missed you. My entire life, I’ve missed you.”
“Dada.”
“Yeah, buddy. I’m Dada,” I choke out on a sob.
Slowly, the world comes into focus around me. I’m aware that Julia has sat down beside me, resting her head on my bicep while I stare in awe at the perfect little human she and I made. Our friends and family have made themselves scarce while I connect with the son I never knew I had.
There is still so much unknown. So much danger lurking around every corner, but for these few moments, my life is more perfect than it has ever been. For the first time since I lost Angel, a song comes to me, and I sing to Charlie,The Luckiestby Ben Folds.Because I am the luckiest son of a bitch in the world today.
The day passes in a blur, Charlie never leaves my side. Around seven, Julia finally takes him from me.
“It’s his bedtime, and we sort of have a routine,” Julia tells me.
It cuts a little that I’m not part of it, but I know it’ll take time. While she is putting him to bed, I seek Seth out. I need some answers. As if expecting me, I find him sitting on the porch.
“You have some pretty amazing friends, you know that?” he asks.
“I do,” I say.
“Dex faced an intense firing squad for you with the McDowell’s today, you know?”
“I didn’t, but that explains why Pete didn’t kick my ass as soon as he saw me,” I tell him, then get right to the point.
“Seth, I need to know if Loki is okay.”
He nods like he knew this was coming. “All I can say is he is alive, that’s all I know for sure. He was in seriously deep cover, Trevor. He was solo. It was the only way he could infiltrate, and he knew the risks.”
“Why are you talking like he won’t get out?” I ask.
“I’m just trying to be honest with you. We have had no communication in twelve hours. We know he took some heavy gunfire. I’m sorry. Until we get word, there is just no telling.”
“I spoke to him this morning,” I blurt.
“What? When?” Seth looks shocked.
“He called around 7, I figured everyone knew, but he sounded so weak. Loki wanted me to know that he got everyone and that my father would get immunity. He also said he couldn’t connect the youngest Black son, and that there was a problem with the girls.”
“Fuck,” Seth curses, standing suddenly. “What number did he call from?”
“My phone showed his name, so he must have been calling from his own,” I tell him.
