Page 72 of Cross My Heart
“I do have a mom, but she wasn’t like any of the moms I knew. My mom had some problems, and she was mean to me a lot,” I can hear Lanie filtering her sadness.
“W-what do you mean?” Tate stammers.
“It took me a lot of years, and a lot of help from Mimi, remember Mimi? Julia’s mom?” Lanie asks him.
“Yeah, she said she is going to bake me lots of cookies,” he giggles.
Lanie laughs. “You bet she will, she makes the best cookies ever too. Anyway, Mimi helped me understand that I didn’t have a healthy relationship with my mom. You see, my mom was mad all the time. She thought everything bad that happened to her was my fault, but I was just a kid. She was an adult, she was supposed to protect me, not blame me.”
“What did your mom say to you?” Tate asks just above a whisper.
“Let’s see,” Lanie pauses, “one time, she told me I ruined her life because she had to buy me underwear.”
“How can you ruin someone’s life by needing underwear?” Tate laughs.
“My mom told me because she had to buy me underwear, she didn’t have enough money to go out with her friends. Not going out with her friends ruined her life, that day anyway. A lot of times, she would say that just me being born destroyed her life. She liked to tell me all the time that I ruined everything. That’s really hard for a kid to hear or understand. I felt terrible about myself for a really long time.”
“That sounds like it would be hard.” The sadness in Tate’s voice causes a lump in my throat.
“It was, Tate. Especially since none of it was true. What she didn’t know is that I was a gift. A gift not everyone gets to have. She wasn’t a very good mother.”
“Did she die?” Tate asks, sounding unsure if he should feel sad or not.
“No, she is still alive, but I had to make a decision not to let her lousy behavior influence my life or the way I felt about myself. Her nasty words were her issue, not mine. It has taken me years to learn that. She walked away from me as soon as she could, and I ended up with Mimi and Pawpaw. As an adult, I decided that I was better off without her in my life.
I guess what I’m trying to tell you is, sometimes, the best families aren’t the ones who share the same blood. Sometimes the best families are the ones who choose to stand by you, the ones who choose to love and care for you. The ones who choose you, always. I want you to know, Tate, even though I am not your mom, I will always choose you. Even if I’m not living here someday, it will always be my choice to love you. Do you understand that?” Lanie asks him gently.
I know Tate is crying even before he speaks, his sniffles have been filling the air for the last five minutes. “I do, Lanie. I love you too.”
“You don’t have to tell me anything until you are ready, Tate. I just wanted you to know if anything happened with you and your mom, I can promise you it wasn’t your fault,” Lanie tells him kindly.
“Okay, Lanie. Can I tell you a secret?” Tate whispers.
“Of course, bud, you can always tell me anything,” she says, sounding unsure of what he will say next.
“You’re going to be a great mom someday,” Tate says genuinely.
The sob that escapes Lanie is one I know she couldn’t control. I know she will not be able to stay in there much longer after Tate’s secret, so I quickly but quietly make my way down to my office. I’m going to need backup.
MLM Tactical Group
Dexter: I need help.
Before I even hit send, Trevor comes walking into my house. “Just relax, Dex. It’s going to be fine.”
He must see the confusion on my face because he grimaces.
“Shit. Julia told me. She doesn’t think Lanie is spooked by the senator. Having something to focus on has been good for her. You and Tate are good for her. She just wanted me to let you know to give her some space for a couple of hours, but not all night. Lanie will need you tonight,” he says in a whoosh.
“How often are you and Julia talking?” I ask, curious.
“We aren’t really talking, just texting,” Trevor says, looking uncomfortable.
“How often?” I repeat.
“A few times a day probably. She’s a really cool girl,” he says, starting to fidget.
I smile. “You two are very similar, I picked up on that the first five minutes I met her. Are you talking or facetiming?”
